Sahm. I'm not fucking selfish!!!!!

[Indulgingmum]

I'm furious. I am a SAHm to 4 kids. I went on a career break when my third child was born as he has severe learning difficulties and needed 24 hr care. He's at school full time from 1st sept. I am in a position where I will have to resign my post as I was a senior nurse and can't re register now as I have been away to long.

Now all the kids will b at school at least until 1 I thought I'd try studying again. Possibly a course which may lead to employment eventually.

Mentioned it to OH as would need help with fees. At that time he said good idea but brushed it away as a topic to discuss later. When I did brim hit up again he said. "Me me me " that's all it is with u!

Fucker. I'm so cross I could spit. Currently trying to pluck up courage to bring it up again.

Blimey that sounds awful, I take it you're not married? Are you on the deeds of your home as you seem utterly financially dependent on him and he's happy with it being that way?

What an arse!!

I'd be ripping into him for that. I take it he is well practised at caring for all four children alone. Hardly something that could be done by someone who is "me, me, me" at all.

So as a full time carer parent, cook, cleaner, you now WANT something to help you get back into work! What are you thinking woman? Have you no steps to scrub?

I'm so pleased I'm not being unreasonable here. If I pull him on this he will say he was joking. However I feel it's a joke with a jag. Hoping it's enough to stope talking about it! Him and the kids are all to happy to have me at home at their neck and call!!!

The long term reality is you still have 4 dc as well asva child that must need significantly more care then his siblings.

I have 2 dc with significant SN. I do not have many choices work wise. Hopefully my 7 year old dc will go to school full time before Christmas.

Good luck op. I wouldn't be asking your OH, I would be informing of your plans.

Does that rule have to apply so strictly to you, given your circumstances? Are there any situations where it doesn't apply?

Tell him in no uncertain terms how important this is to you. Don't take no for an answer. Good luck

Is nursing still what you want to do? I ask because my sister was in a similar position to you, a few years ago now so things may well have changed, but she had to do a couple of short courses one to do with drugs and another on resus I think, a few shifts on the ward which she fit in around school/childcare and she was able to re-register and work as a nurse again.

If the course you want to do is unrelated and you want to change direction then it is not unreasonable to ask your OH to help pay the fees especially of it means that in the future you will be contributing to the household income. I think he is being very shortsighted.

Why he is not happy with your decision?

I mean it will actually help you to get a job, kids are growing, that extra income you bring home one day might actually help big time.

What is his problem?

I mean you are still there, not refusing of doing your share in that house.
You actually are trying to not waste the time you will have when kids will be at school.

What kind of person he is to think you are being selfish?

Oh dear feel like a wally now. OH home from work with a new
Notebook and pen tied up with ribbon.

Peace offering he said. Wants me to apply for course and he's happy to pay fees. Catholic guilt returning. Lol.

Ah well it's a good time to say "thank you for your apology and what was all that about anyway?"

Was he stressed about something and you got a tongue lashing?

See it as an opportunity to grow closer together, clearly he was on edge about something!

Wonder if he's secretly been reading MN?

That's fantastic, have you applied yet? If not do it now before he changes his mind!

Wonderful news!

Nice rescue by your DH!

We don't get many happy endings like this - be happy but make sure he follows through.

Happy studying!

Close one OP's DH. Don't be guilty though, in exchange for 'happy to pay fees' you can agree not to charge him for last month's child care!

Remind him again first thing today and again tonight - make sure it happens!

I'm afraid with me if he said he was happy to pay fees, he'd be straight out there looking for a new way to apologise

Cab - I think that's a bit harsh. I expect its just a turn of phrase albeit not a good one

Tone doesn't come across well in type - I wasn't feeling harsh. It was a serious point though. The turn of phrase we use does sometimes give a window into how we think. And if this were me and he saw it as him paying, I really would see that as an issue.

OP said she was in a position where she needed the courage to bring it up again.

So it got brushed aside first time.
Second time he was downright rude.
Third time she was scared to mention it.

That doesn't sound right to me.

I take your point cab.

It's a time to be watchful and make sure the relationship is on an even footing.

I totally take ur point Cab. I have a very generous OH. I guess a lot of these issues stem from me and my up bringing. I was brought up to be financially independent and any woman who relies on OH for financial support was somehow frowned on in my family. Usually I only have to mention something is needed at home and it's there. I also have full access to all money. However for large things like holidays and a degree course I do have a guilt associated when talking about them. I already have a degree so being as this is my second I am liable for the full fee. Around £7000 so it's not like I'm only asking for a tenner lol. Anyway. All is well that ends well.

Ps
Thelastcarnival he loves MN lol.