Just been round to my parents house for a lunch for my birthday, wish I hadn't bothered now

[Overrunnerbean]

My Mum was so stressed about cooking for large amount of people that she virtually had a nervous break down. I just end up feeling guilty, I didn't even ask for this dinner.
Parents end up yelling at each other as usual, photos are taken and my sister has hers taken about 3 or 4 times. Mine once.

It might make me sound neurotic to notice this, but one christmas there were no photos of me even though I was there. At my 30th, there was half shot of me, and again loads of every one else, including tons of my sister grrr

Should I just feel grateful that they care enough to do a birthday dinner, or am I entitled to feel a bit peeved?

Totally ok to feel peeved IMO. Poor you.

Happy birthday though

Really feel for you dp has this with his older sister.

perhaps next time just invite your parents around to you for your birthday. has worked better for us - kids got their stuff to play with etc

Thanks Miaou and Buffysmum, family relationships hey, always so complicated. I can never get my folks round to ours for a meal, they are always too busy. Also big family meals tend to be at theirs so my grandparents can come, as there is a downstairs loo.
Who needs gorgeous blond sisters, that suprise suprise you don't get on with, not me

Oh dear Overrun Do you think they realise you are upset about this kind of thing happening?

did point out about not being in the photos at christmas but they just said it was a conincidence. I have tried to talk to them about the bigger issue of feeling the like the least favoured daughter, but they are dismissive of this. They say it isn't true, but sometimes actions speak louder than words. Incidently, my dh noticed the marked preference for my sister way before I told him about how it made me feel.
I'll give you a tiny example of the way the consistently leave me out.
We are out together recently (Dad was there as well) Mum got a text on her phone. She reads it and then wordlessly hands it over to Jen, or smiles and gives it back. I am just sat there like a lemon as usual.

did point out about not being in the photos at christmas but they just said it was a conincidence. I have tried to talk to them about the bigger issue of feeling the like the least favoured daughter, but they are dismissive of this. They say it isn't true, but sometimes actions speak louder than words. Incidently, my dh noticed the marked preference for my sister way before I told him about how it made me feel.
I'll give you a tiny example of the way the consistently leave me out.
We are out together recently (Dad was there as well) Mum got a text on her phone. She reads it and then wordlessly hands it over to Jen, or smiles and gives it back. I am just sat there like a lemon as usual.

whoops said her name, shes not a mumsnetter though

I can see how you would feel left out O. Have you tried talking to your sister?

yeah I have, but she says that they are close because she is really nice and good and doesn't fall out with any one.
I of course fall out with them all the time. She adopts this whiney voice and says "I can't help it if I get on with my Mum, I just love her so much" blergh blergh
But there is not alot she can do really, its a bit like being a teachers pet, not a very nice positon to be in iyswim

sorry you didn't have a nice birthday. Family relationships can be so difficult. If it's any consolation everyone forgot mine this year
...even dh

oh vizbizz thats awful, I really feel for you. At least I have my dh to make me feel special. I am one of those people who mourn each years passing

Ha! Overrunnerbean, do you really want to be your mum's "yes woman" like your sister or be true to yourself? Enjoy your independence from them. And you have your DH now.

Thanks pages, I do tend to think of it in that way most of the time, seriously I do, I think my sister is still tied to the apron strings (please forgive horrible expression). Just sometimes really gets to me.
Wish we didn't live so near each other though, but is good that the children see plenty of their grandparents

feel peeved for definite.

when my dad takes family photos at get togethers he never takes my pic but theres loads of my sis and her hubby. usedto bother me but i ignore it now and get mum to take them

7swansaswimmingup good for you, I think I need to cultivate a thicker hide Cos they sure aint going to get any more tactful

I think if I was in a situation like this I would probably try to distance myself from it. I don't know if that's the right answer though - because it's your family it's so much harder to accept it when relationships aren't as good as they could be.

strange thing is though, is that hes always said how photogenic i am compared to my sister. his loss if he doesnt want my beautiful face in his photos

It fluctuates Tatties, sometimes, I don't care then other times I warp back to lumpen awkward teenager that felt like she had been adopted
I find it hard to distance myself from them, because my Mum does have my three sometimes. Don't think I could cope if she didn't. Although suppose distant doesn't have to mean estranged

overrunnerbean birthdays are a good thing...

the more you have the longer you live

overrun - sorry about the birthday blues FWIW I always get these at birthdays and christmas if I see my parents because I think I always regret to the spoilt stroppy teenager who wants everything perfect and always feels like the second best sister.

Are you and your sister at similar life stages? I only ask because my sister is only 16 months older than me and we always got compared (unfavourably for me)about everything and didnt get on as a result. Fast forward to adulthood and he has her big job, big pad, travlleing round the world earning a fortune single life and I am a sahm (well part time working) married with 2 children. We cant be compared at all and as a result we all get on much better.

I hope you can sort things out with your family or learn to ignore it. Maybe next birthday do something a whole lot of fun with your friends and leave the family stuff for a day when you dont want it to be special.

Hope you feel better soon