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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sex in PRIMARY school

23 replies

wickedlazy · 26/08/2015 11:59

Posting in relationships as it seemed more appropriate than aibu (I know i'm not) or chat (too serious a subject).

Talking to friend (24, was oldest in primary school class) on phone recently, and she reveals that someone we both used to be friends with (23 like me, we were youngest in class) had sex in primary school (somewhere between 8-10 years old) with another boy in our class, we were all in same class from nursery, the girl who had sex didn't join until p5.

Apparently they were caught in the act, and parents and school were informed. I heard nothing about it at the time! But, I did hear that this boy, and another girl, were caught having oral sex at around this time (her on him). I remember telling my mother, and us having a long chat about "feelings" and being ready and to talk to her again before doing anything like that (which I did when I was nearly 15).

What shocked me was friends assertion, that the woman is just a dirty bitch, (she is very slutty now, has broken up families and such) and just always has been.

Now i'm rethinking it all, as an adult, I really think this woman was abused in some way as a child. Or the boy was abused, and was inappropriate with the two girls.

I can remember touching myself from I was about 8 (in private obviously) but not wanting to touch a boy in that way! The boy I fancied, I daydreamed about kissing only (and not the french kind until much later).

All three children had hard home lives, and ended up in trouble as teenagers, the boy and the girl that was my friend both have children of their own they don't see much. Not sure what the other girl is up to now.

Opinions? Is it normal for children of 9 (which is p6, which is when I heard about the oral sex incident to be experimenting in this way, or does it indicate abuse? Non of the children were removed from their parents, but I think all three were as teenagers.
Trying to put as much info so as to not drip feed.

OP posts:
SecretSpy · 26/08/2015 12:03

I think you are right.
Sexualised behaviour in young children very often suggests that they are being abused or exposed to inappropriate behaviour /materials.

And as for the person suggesting they are /were 'slutty' , well Hmm

Wando · 26/08/2015 12:11

Are we sure it is true? If it is then it does suggest an abusive background.

swisscheesetony · 26/08/2015 12:21

Certainly in my "gang" in fourth year primary sexual experimentation was occurring. All four involved have grown up as reasonably happy as anyone else.

wickedlazy · 26/08/2015 12:39

Sorry, slutty a poor choice of word (but the one most used in regard to her). She is the type that loves being the ow, for whatever reason. Whatever the word for that would be.

Swiss, in primary four aged 7/8? Or in fourth year aged 14/15?

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 26/08/2015 12:40

Swiss said 4th year primary! I can't get over that!

swisscheesetony · 26/08/2015 12:52

10/11

wickedlazy · 26/08/2015 13:04

How big a leap is it from experimenting, to full sex? At that age anyway.

OP posts:
wickedlazy · 26/08/2015 13:17

Other odd behaviour at the time was things like flashing her knickers at strange men on buses, wanting to follow the older boys/her brothers friends. Dressing inappropriately (or being allowed to) mini skirts, heels and really dark lipstick. From she moved to to the area/joined school at 8/9 until we drifted apart at 15 it just got more extreme. By 15 she was going to squats with men in their late 20's up to about 40 to take drugs, that's why we drifted apart, and I did begin to wonder then if something funny had went on when she was younger, but I put it out of my mind until now. Feel a bit guilty I suppose, she has tried to contact me a few times over the years, but I have always rebuffed her, thinking she was Trouble.

So maybe she was just sexually curious/aware before the norm?

Why does even typing that make me feel like i'm spouting pedo propaganda?? "She liked it so it's fine". I know a child the same age is different circumstances, but does that make it okay?

OP posts:
Roomba · 26/08/2015 13:17

There's quite a difference between 'experimentation' (you show me yours, etc.) and having full sex and thinking that that is just a normal thing to be doing aged 10. I would agree with you OP, that it is likely that this behaviour was picked up via abuse in some way. Precocious sexuality is one of a number of 'signs' of child sexual abuse that social workers/safeguarding officials would look out for.

Who on earth refers to abused children as 'slutty'? WTF? Sad

wickedlazy · 26/08/2015 13:31

Roomba that's what made a little voice in my head go "wait wait now hold on, we're talking when this girl when she was a child". That friend was convinced (at first) she was just slutty, and x event was proof she just always had been!

Explained what we learnt in child safety training about children showing signs of being sexual precocious, often being abused. She had never heard of this before! Will explain all that to her when I see her next, she has dc's so should be made aware? I think she has listened to a lot of sexist, misogynist shit over the years, and been badly misinformed, and taken a lot if it in (using terms like slut for example).

OP posts:
Smilingforth · 26/08/2015 13:58

Very scary indeed

Wando · 26/08/2015 17:53

She was only a child and really the strong chances are she learnt this through abuse. It's sickening.

wickedlazy · 26/08/2015 19:23

If there was abuse, I think it was before she moved to our area. Just realising that could be why they moved Sad.

OP posts:
3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 26/08/2015 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wickedlazy · 26/08/2015 19:31

What i'm wondering is could the boy have been abused, and picked up on the signals from the also abused girls (that other boys wouldn't notice/care about).

Three kids in one class? Sad

Or was there inappropriate coercion at some point? Makes me sick to think about, but feel I can't just push it to the back of my mind anymore.

OP posts:
wickedlazy · 26/08/2015 19:39

I see the boy locally from time to time, and still have the girl on fb.

Back then it was just something that happened, now ds is 4, I'm Shock at the idea of a little girl of 9 giving a little boy of 9 oral sex, or them having penetrative sex. It makes me feel quite ill, and obviously some of you agree there was likely to have been abuse at the root of this.

OP posts:
Wando · 26/08/2015 19:54

It's so hard to read. Awful

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 26/08/2015 21:13

I once read in a magazine years ago about a young girl who became pregnant at around 10 years old, and I always remember one particular quote from her mum. I knew she had a boyfreind but thought it was just innocent puppy love.
. I know what you're probably thinking. I should have spoken to her. Given her contraceptive advice but it doesn't enter your head that your little girl. Who you are still putting to bed and reading a bed time story to and is still playing with dolls is having sex, well it wouldn't would it. Utterly scary and shocking

Wando · 26/08/2015 21:43

Liveinalighthouse - true so awful. How many others we have no idea about have to go through this.

newnamesamegame · 26/08/2015 22:33

I agree with Roomba, experimentation is one thing and quite a lot of low-level experimentation went on at my primary in the older years (snogging, mainly), full penetrative sex is not something I think a child of that age would generally want to do (and that applies to boys as well as girls). It does suggest to me that she was either abused or was in a very sexualised environment.

I had a class-mate in early secondary school who claimed to have lost her virginity at the age of 11. I had no reason to think she was lying although no proof it was true. We were all totally shocked at the time, most of us had only recently grasped what sex was.

She later turned out to have been abused by her uncle. By the sounds of it the same may well be true of this girl....

DowntownFunk · 26/08/2015 22:59

I had a classmate who started having sex at 11. Her first time was with a punk rocker who hung around the park sniffing Glue . She wasn't lying and I don't believe any sexual abuse happened at home. She was (an is even in her 40s) massively insecure.

Wando · 27/08/2015 08:00

All these stories are very scary. They are still babies at that age.

Smilingforth · 27/08/2015 12:39

You look at 10 year olds and you just couldn't imagine this. It brings a whole new perspective especially if it's more widespread than you think.

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