DP works full-time. I work part-time. I do pretty much ALL the housework. Fair?

[GnTformeplease]

Hi,

So it's just that really.

DP has a bitch of a commute, I know, but I work 3 days a week too and whereas I don't have the stressful commute, it's a fairly demanding job, which leaves me with little-no energy in the evenings to tidy, wash up, clean and cook...which I do every night.

DP will wash up usually once at the weekend and might cook one meal. Takes out the bins, mows the lawn every fortnight etc. That sort of thing, but when it comes to the week, nothing. Seriously. Nothing.

This all came to head last night and she was really upset and said that she didn't have any energy in the evenings and that was that. I don't either, but it doesn't seem to matter. I know her job is full on and yes, she certainly works longer hours, which is why I'd be more than happy to do the lions share of the housework, but not all of it. That's fair enough, right? I'm honestly not expecting her to do much more. Just maybe wash up after dinner on one or two nights and not make out as if cooking a meal at the weekend and doing the saturday morning washing up, is somehow going above and beyond her 'duties' as the main breadwinner. Seriously, just taking the plates in the kitchen after we've eaten a meal (which I've cooked) would help.

She's not lazy in the slightest. She works ridiculously hard and I appreciate all that she does and I know she pushes herself at work so she can climb the ladder fast and provide a nice life for us, but I don't like this divide. That's what it feels like anyway. She sees her job as bringing in the money and mine as bringing in the pocket money and house keeper.

I know she loves me and my DC and I know she works harder than she would want to, not just for her, but mainly for us.

Anyway, I don't want to ramble on. I just wanted to get an idea if I was justified in my annoyance at having to do 95% plus of the household chores.

Would really appreciate your thoughts.

TIA

A box in every room to put her stuff in that she doesn't pick up.
And you have to be strict on yourself to ignore it.

This isn't small annoyances. It's down right disrespectful. I have a folded towel obsession. I like them a certain way. DP always folds them the wrong way but at least they are on the rail. That's a small annoyance.

Your DP is like my ex H. Damn right lazy because you do all the 'wife work'.
You'll either stop, get more annoyed and seethe inside until it explodes.

You're not happy and she should be listening to you. Arguments over housework etc are a real passion killer and bring resentment to the boil.

On a weekend she should be doing 50/50 of anything required.

If she refuses, just take a full time post and see what sort of excuse she come up with then!

Define 'bitch of a commute'? If she's home on time to eat with you then she's home by 8/8.30? Cleaning up after a meal that's been served to you as soon as you walk in the door is just basic common decency. I'll caveat that by saying if you've produced a huge elaborate meal on a Tuesday night using every pot in the house I'd prefer a microwave meal.

It sounds like you can't sit down and relax though until its all cleaned up? You can't have it both ways. Make it her chore and leave her to it. Or serve her beans in a can....

Only you will know if it's fair. If you feel it's not then you need to talk about it otherwise it will just continue to grate at you and erode slowly your relationship.