Should I expect more or do I ask too much?

[Scottysmum2008]

I think it would help to summarise things. DH and I have been together 8yrs, married for 7 and have a child between us, & DH has a child from previous relationship. We both came from controlling relationships and I think things have been pretty equal up until ... I'm not sure when it shifted.
I find myself at a point where I am feeling invisible and needless to say I don't like it.
We've been through some serious stuff the past 3 yrs with DH being in a car accident (no physical injuries); un-diagnosed pts becoming apparent a yr later; counselling and physio, & last yr I have a mmc. I believe that this 3yrs maybe where the changes started to happen. As a couple we were pushed to our limits and beyond, and the pts nearly broke the marriage. My DH is a good man and a great father but he is different now. I probably am too.
This yr he decided he needed to change jobs; lack of work life balance and issues with responsibilities and no support. I rewrote his CV and he put it out there to see what would happen. First job he was approached about he got interviewed for and is going to have the job; all fantastic news.
I tried to explain that I need something to look forward to; feel surrounded by people whose lives are moving in a direction whilst I feel quite stuck. I wanted to book a holiday for Easter 2016 and got told I was being selfish as he would not know what he would be doing with his job then. I was probably quite spiteful as said it wasn't a problem if he couldn't come!
I find that I am now told what is happening with things and at weekends; I do have to point out they are my weekends too.
I have tried various ways of trying to explain what is happening from my perspective and that I would like to be consulted more. I'm nearly 40 and I feel like I'm either being ignored or parented, and I'm not ok with either.
The balance is wrong, and after explaining what is happening & that this hasn't happened overnight I am met with silence ...
I'm thinking that I just need to stop doing a lot of the stuff I do except what my son and I need.
Open to suggestions on what else I can do, or have I handed over all the information I can and I need to wait and see what is done with it? Do I expect too much when it's too late; should I be more demanding?

Suggest something to do and if he objects just do it anyway. Leave him behind. He might get the message that you are an independent adult with thoughts and opinions of your own.
Tell him there is a change gonna come...(channeling Sam Cooke there)

Would you consider counselling? the problem seems to be around the ways you communicate with each other, and that is something counselling could address very effectively.

I agree communication is absolutely key and counselling can really help with this.

From your description, you are behaving as if he is your boss. You explain why you are unhappy and he decides if things change or not.

How about behaving like his equal: you choose what to do with yourself and just go off and book it do it, if he wants to join in he's welcome?

Similarly, if he's doing something you don't want to join in with, e.g. weekend plans, just say "nah, not for me, hope you have a nice time" and do what you want.

You really do need to talk and talk very openly. It's sounds like it's recipe for disaster if you carry on.

Thank you all for your comments.

We realise that our communication skills may not be quite what they were, and my DH agreed that he can tend to focus so much on one thing he doesn't see much else; a male thing ?!!
Oddly enough at the weekend I joined him at a rally he was exhibiting at, as our DS love these events and I love getting the opportunity to relax for the day, and something strange happened that really highlighted to him how much I am not thought of. My DH mother ignored me for the whole time that we were there. Previously this has always been an event we all go to as a family including the inlaws but in recent yrs this has changed with other friends tagging along, but essentially still a family affair for us all. He was horrified to observe what was happening to me and related it to how he has been recently, the lack of inclusion on arrangements and information, not expecting me to take part but to tag along just in case I am needed!
Needless to say he had words with his DM, and the tiny steps we will make from this should bring us a better place where the playing field is more equal again.

I hope so OP, his mum and himself sound like a pair of bullies, it shouldn't take witnessing his own mother treat you badly for him to realise, you've already been telling him, if he makes no effort to include you then you will have to either suck it up or actually refuse to live that way and move on without him.

He sounds controlling and critical.