I have posted about my relationship previously. H is an angry man and everything that goes wrong in his life is somehow my fault. He had an EA which he eventually told me about in May. That was my fault because if I had been a better wife it wouldn't have happened. I begged him for a trial separation which he finally agreed to in mid July. He was gone for two weeks but visited every day ( to see our daughters ) and would leave at around 10 pm to sleep elsewhere. Since May I have been in the depths of despair. I am feeling slightly stronger now because of the time that has passed since I found out about his affair. I told my daughters about the trial separation at the beginning of the school holidays. They were devastated.
We had a caravan holiday booked which I cancelled as I couldn't bear the thought of sleeping in the caravan with H. I took our girls away for five nights for a short break. He insisted that he wanted to take them away as well despite my plea to reconsider as I felt it too soon to go away in the caravan without me there. I think he thought right up to the last minute that I would change my mind and go with them. Neither of my dd's wanted to go. They both left in tears and I had texts whilst they were away begging to come home. H appeared oblivious to this. It was an awful week for me as I was alone at home missing them. They are home now. My youngest dd had a ear infection just before she left and was on antib's. She was exhausted when she got home and isn't herself now. I am so worried about them both.
H decided he was moving back in in late July as he said it was obvious I had made a decision and I didn't need anymore space and suggested I move out if I did need more space. When he returned from the holiday he got very angry and kept following me around saying we need to talk and he had decided to move back into our bedroom. I kept asking him to leave me alone and that when I was ready to talk I would.
I rang my dad in tears who spoke to H at length and told him it wouldn't be a good plan to move back into the bedroom as it would be further evidence of unreasonable behaviour.
The relationship is over for me. I can see no way back from this. I feel like I have made a mess of mine and my children's lives.
I have seen a solicitor twice who charges £200 an hour and bills monthly. I can't afford this. Solicitor advised me not to move out as H's job is a bit unstable ( he was sacked twice in 2014) and if H lost his new job then I would be liable for bills in the family home. I don't know how much longer I can go on living like this though. On Sunday a friend called in as H was out and we sat chatting in the garden. H returned, made himself a coffee and joined us. My friend told me afterwards that she couldn't believe it. He is just carrying on as normal as if this isn't happening.
So I don't know what to do next. Do I go ahead and file for divorce? Shall I try and find another solicitor who will be paid once finances are settled? Help!