Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

47 and DP 35 - happy and want to progress but suspect age an issue for DP

3 replies

shallistayorgo · 25/08/2015 21:27

Would really appreciate some opinions and feedback if anyone has been in a similar situation. My brain is a muddle and I'm struggling to think straight.

I have been with DP 4 years, of which 3.5 we have lived together. I am very happy with him although I do have instances where I may be deemed as being a woman that likes to have her DP under the thumb. I am very much a homebody, DP too, but myself more so. I often encourage him to stay home too.

There is 12 year age gap. Not a problem for me at all, but I am starting to feel this is one of the reasons he hasn't taken this to the next level of commitment (engagement etc). We have discussed children and he says he is happy to adopt.

He is a good partner, caring and romantic. Very kind hearted and is amazing around the house. He has a great career, as do I, but I am the breadwinner earning double due to many more years experience. I would describe our relationship as very stable. I am very happy, but can never be too sure about what he is feeling. We have both gained a bit of weight due to our lifestyle and being content, but are no means obese. Irrelevant in some ways, but I guess it gives a feel for how 'comfortable' we are.

2 years ago he embarked on a non sexual 2 month affair with a younger woman he was about to leave me for. He got cold feet at the end and realised he loved me and couldn't leave. I have forgiven him.

Issue now is that I feel a bit stuck in a rut. The relationship isn't really moving forwards and I can't help but feel it's the age gap causing the issue and the implications of that (i.e, unlikely to have biological children etc).

I don't want to waste time with someone that sees me as a convenient stop gap, but it's impossible to know ones true feelings. We have been together 4 years which gives me some comfort he is serious.

Anyone have any similar experiences? How did it all play out?

OP posts:
Wando · 25/08/2015 22:10

I think age gaps do make it harder but I think your real issue is whether his affair is really over in both your minds and in reality. This is not an easy think to assess but given your doubts I don't think this is something to sweep under the carpet.

Ikeameatballs · 25/08/2015 22:16

The only way forwards is surely for you both to have an open conversation about the future and emphasise how important honesty is in this.

Fwiw I have friends with similar age gap, woman is 51 and guy is 39. They've been married for 6 years and are very happy but they made the decision early on not to have children.

Wando · 26/08/2015 08:42

Ikeameatballs speaks sense - you really need to have open and honest communication.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page