contact battle made by abusive father

[deedaw]

i have raised my daughter on my own since i split with father when she was 2...he is a habitual cannabis smoker and would not go to rehab despite smoking the drug for 20 + yrs. when i met him he was suicidal and self harmed, he said i had saved him! his use got bigger and bigger and he has mental and personality issues the more he smoked the worse the mental issues got, i existed in fear was not allowed to go out the door or speak with friends the jealousy was on a cellular level!he beat me black and blue he has never made any attempt to quit, after 5 yrs of mental emotional abuse i left with my child my child was 1 yr old he continued to harass me into taking him back i never would, he would not help in any way with the child exept £15 weekly he would send...we tried to reconcille when she was 5...he was telling her lies about me that i had boyfriends etc and my daughter was unconsolable...he continued the drugs..we recently tried again to establish a father daughter relationship he promised me drugs were gone she is now 9...this was 10 months ago he had tried to get me back i flatly refused he has saw her 6 times 2 times when i was present 4 times on his own, she really didnt want to go last time she came home i could smell drugs from her clothes..so told him there would be no more unattended contact he was abusive over the fone and was threatning me and my daughter...after all the yrs of him having no contact and still being on drugs i knew he would never change...so after seeing her 6 times in last 7 yrs he is taking me to court claiming i am abusive to him?...i am at my wits end my daughter is now having nightmares and has told me the reason she didnt want to go back is she was scared and that he had been saying bad stuff about me in the 4 instances i was not there!! i have tried everything in the last 7 yrs to co parent and make some sort of bond he has abused everything in regares to the childs welfare...i hate mothers who rip children from the fathers unnneccisarily..but what do you do in this case when he genuinely is no good for the child and still has the right to legal aid to drag her through court and damage her even more?

Hi there
Hope you're okay OP We've moved your thread to our relationships topic

Hello deedaw - I have reported your post to MNHQ asking them to move it to the Relationships Board where you will hopefully receive some helpful responses - this board 'In The News' doesn't get many people reading it.

Wishing you the very best,

What makes you think he has the right to legal aid? Have you received any communication from his solicitors/a court of law?

From what you've said it seems to me you shouldn't fear the issue of his contact with your dd going before a court as he will be required to attend mediation first, at which time you can make your views known and speak for you dd.

As it seems probable he'd fail a hair test for alcohol and drug abuse, I suggest you put this on your list of requirements before consideration is given to him having any further unsupervised contact with your dd.

I also suggest that you make an appointment for your dd with your GP so that her nightmares/fears can be documented and make the headteacher aware when she returns to school.

Do we have the same ex?

I took out a non mol order last year, got both my kids put on it and he didn't contest it. Best money I've spent. He was constantly telling my kids he was going to kill me and that I was a slag, a fat lazy cow, constantly trying to dictate to my oldest about everything she does, turning up late, bringing them back late, refusing to pay more than £5 a week as it was obvious I was spending it on myself (hahaha) kids stinking of weed ....Just so much crap after 7 years apart and several convictions for dv and making threats to me. I had enough. Consider it. It's such a relief.

Truly such a difficult position. There are people much better placed than me to comment and say where you should go for advice but my through are with you.

^Everything Goddess said.

He won't get legal aid BTW.

Hold your nerve, OP, and stick to your guns. Do what's right for your DD, which is no unsupervised contact with this lowlife scumbag. (Preferably, no contact at all.)

I agree with goddess..

Don't assume he is taking you to court till you get any papers...He will have no reason to get legal aid.. Would he even pay to take you to court...He would be spending his drug money.

She won't be dragged through court. If it gets that far (which I doubt, I suspect he is just trying to threaten you to make you comply), she will be gently and sensitively spoken to by a social worker (as will you) who will then write a report which will be presented in court. And the social worker will have seen all this before. Please try not to worry too much, I don't think he will get anywhere with this. It would be a good idea for you to write down all the above with approximate dates and full details so that if you are asked by anyone, you have a full history.

court papers have arrived!

What is he asking for?