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Original poster

DP has changed his mind about having DC

14 replies

OiledBegg · 25/08/2015 13:56

I'm 29 and have one child who I had aged 18, he is nearly 11. My partner has older children, and when we got together he said he wanted more which was great as so did I. All has been good for the two ish years of our relationship. Except he's now changed his mind about having DC together. I love my DP and can't imagine walking away and leaving him. I already have one child, so will the longing for another one go away in time? As it's not like I don't have any at all and facing a childless life. But having more children has always been in my life plan and imagining any different feels odd. (Obviously I know I could have fertility problems or anything, but i wanted to at least try). I've talked to DP and he knows exactly how I feel, there isn't a lot he can say really. I don't know what to do Sad

OP posts:
Pericombobulations · 25/08/2015 14:04

Be glad he has told you now, so you are young enough to make a decision. Do you want to stay with him or do you want to move on and hope to find a new partner who wants more children? Thats only a decision you can make.

I say that as a mum to an 11 year old, I have always desperately wanted a second whilst DH was non-commital and now its too late for me. The longing has not eased in all that time. Would I have stayed if he had said back then? I'm not sure either.

lunar1 · 25/08/2015 14:06

I think I'd walk away to be honest. It's not like it's something that you can change your mind about at any time you fancy, though there are plenty of older mums it's not as common as it may seem. And in that situation id worry that he'd wait ten years and change his mind and find someone else.

fuzzywuzzy · 25/08/2015 14:13

Think seriously about whether you want a chance to try for another child. I don't think the longing will go, it just gets stronger in my experience.

Is it a deal breaker for you?

Think hard about it, will you be happy moving forward or look back and resent your DP, because that will eat away at your relationship.

Wando · 25/08/2015 22:30

Have your told your DP how important and critical it is to you? I know you might assume that he has given it a lot of thought but that might not be the case. He must know the strength of your feelings.

Wando · 26/08/2015 08:23

Good luck - please make sure everyone knows where they stand. It's absolutely vital.

itsraininginbaltimore · 26/08/2015 08:30

Is he quite a bit older than you and how long have you been together?

I would say that as you are still very young and not married by the sounds of things I would seriously consider walking away from this relationship and finding someone who is better suited to the life you want. You still have loads of time.

I don't think you should try persuading him. A baby should always be genuinely wanted by both parents. They are not bargaining tools.

Original poster
OiledBegg · 26/08/2015 10:48

Yes he is quite a bit older than me. Always been super enthusiastic about marriage/kids together even before I was. Maybe now the rose tinted glasses are off he's realised its not for him.
It is a deal breaker for me.

OP posts:
Wando · 26/08/2015 13:09

Then you need to tell him it's a deal breaker. Then you can judge what his reaction is.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 26/08/2015 16:43

If he is sure he has changed his mind, and you're equally sure you want more DCs then you need to end the relationship. Otherwise, you'll become resentful. tbh it doesn't matter what his reasons are, what matters is that he has told you his decision. You have to respect that and move on.

As a PP said, be grateful he is telling you the truth now so you do still have time to end this relationship, and hopefully fall in love with someone who does want the same as you.

I'm a bit concerned that he was super enthusiastic and now isn't. It rings alarm bells for me, as it sounds quite manipulative. However, it may indeed just be that his view has changed. Regardless, you need to move on. He is telling you who he is and what he wants, and sadly it doesn't match what you need from a relationship.

Preciousbane · 26/08/2015 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairenuff · 26/08/2015 16:49

If it's a deal breaker for you then you have to tell him it's over. It's fine for him not to want any more children but if you do, time is not on your side.

mrstweefromtweesville · 26/08/2015 16:57

Sack him and get a nice, virile one who wants to be a dad. Pick one who looks like the chap on the right in this pic connachttribune.ie/galway-launch-debut-album-dublin-outfit-lynched/
Life's for living and its a one way journey. You want more children. Get them.

Original poster
OiledBegg · 27/08/2015 17:36

Oooh mrstweet he will do perfectly.

OP posts:
Wando · 27/08/2015 18:57

Think long and hard before you make the decision because there is no real turning back

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