I'm moving to London tomorrow - new job, new flat, new life. The plan originally was for me to move down, DP would join me in a few months when he found a job, we'd spend weekends together in the meantime. But last night we had an awful argument - he started it but I didn't exactly cover myself in glory, I'm ashamed and regret it. That's us finished, for good.
Our relationship was often unhappy. Sex life poor. Lots of arguments over nothing, made worse by his sulking and spitefulness, my hysteria and inability to let things drop. We just seemed to rub each other up the wrong way a lot. But we did have good times together, best friends, did practically everything together, and despite it all genuinely loved each other.
I feel so unbelievably sad and scared. It should be easier that I'm leaving so soon - but it also feels like all my security, familiarity and everything I rely on has been pulled from under me.
Things will be okay eventually, I know that. I've gotten over other break-ups, just as painful. We will both be happier. But right now I just feel like half my insides have been torn out and I've lost my best friend. I don't know if anything will ever fill this hole.