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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Will you support me through building a life & getting over a broken heart?

5 replies

JustOneMinuteAtATime · 23/08/2015 11:30

I'll try to keep this brief, but I'm hoping for some support from wise MNers because I feel so alone.

I am 25 years old. I had a violent and abusive childhood, resulting in my finally being kicked out at 15, in the middle of the night. I had nothing and nowhere to go, but luckily my boyfriend picked me up and I stayed with him and his parents. At 20, we emigrated together for 2 years, and then came back and moved into a flat on our own. I had two terrible jobs and then found a good one, and we moved back to where we grew up, and a few houses from his parents, in February.

In March, we split over a stupid argument. He took some stuff and left to live with his parents. we didn't talk for a fortnight and I was cut up. Then we slowly started talking more and seeing each other once or twice a week. I thought we were getting things back on track. I made it very clear that I didn't want to be his friend, I'm too emotionally connected.

Two weeks ago, we shared a hotel room after our train home was cancelled. It was a lovely night. After that, I pushed him for an answer about whether he wanted to try again. On Thursday night this week, he gave me an answer, finally. He said he can't get back together because he wants a simple, unattached life for a bit, and that it's no reflection on me or us. I replied to wish him the best, told him I'd make a plan for the flat and he could collect the rest of his stuff when it's less raw. I told him I hoped he'd find someone worth the effort, and then I went to bed and cried.

We were no contact Friday, which hurt, and yesterday. This morning he's had to contact me about the flat. It's been very matter-of-fact, and really bad timing. I've let him know that I've sorted it, but now have to start NC again, and it kills me.

In my heart-of-hearts, I want him to come back. I miss him and I love him and I think he's going through a tough patch and when his parents leave it alone and he finds out if he's being made redundant next month, he'll regret this. But I know I can't wait for him anymore, as much as it hurts.

On a practical level, I need to decide what I'm going to do about the house but I can't face that right now. Likewise, I probably need to learn to drive, and I'm going to ask the council for help with things like taking the bin out and hoovering, because my disabilities are bad. I'm going to try and make new friends.

Bizarrely, I found out on Thursday that my mum and dad have divorced, and my mum is remarrying. She sent me a Facebook message. My Dad appears to have disappeared off the face of the earth. All of my sisters were taken into care eventually, it seems.

I shouldn't contact them because of how it was, I've been NC for 8 years, but I'm tempted, having just lost DP and his extended family.

I don't know how to get through all of this...At the moment I am going for one hour long walk a day to get me outside (I work from home due to disabilities) and then going to bed at 7pm.

OP posts:
whatyouseeiswhatyouget · 23/08/2015 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustOneMinuteAtATime · 23/08/2015 12:06

I have two friends (yes, I know that's pathetic!) but I am trying hard to make more.

One is a very old friend and she has been a gem. Another is someone I met at work, and although we haven't talked much recently, I know she'll be there if I need here.

I live in a top floor flat. I really hope I can work things financially so I can stay. There's a communal bin store but it's so difficult to get into... I can't even empty the hoover, I'm not strong enough. I've just filled out the form asking for a social services adult care assessment, and I'll phone for a PIP form tomorrow, it's probably worth a try.

I'm really trying to stop myself either contacting him or contacting my parents, just to feel that I have someone.

Thank you for replying, and the hugs, they are appreciated Smile.

OP posts:
onlyif · 23/08/2015 13:19

There's plenty of help out there, its just a matter of accessing it. It sounds like you have started that. Is there a meet up group in your area where you could make new friends.

JustOneMinuteAtATime · 24/08/2015 10:40

I am really, really struggling not to text him today. He asked me to photocopy something for him this morning (for a work expense claim). It doesn't seem to bother him at all.

I am supposed to be pulling reports but I'm distracted and I can't focus. Being at home probably isn't helping.

I'm just writing this to keep my hands busy, really.

OP posts:
0dfod · 24/08/2015 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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