I'll try to keep this brief, but I'm hoping for some support from wise MNers because I feel so alone.
I am 25 years old. I had a violent and abusive childhood, resulting in my finally being kicked out at 15, in the middle of the night. I had nothing and nowhere to go, but luckily my boyfriend picked me up and I stayed with him and his parents. At 20, we emigrated together for 2 years, and then came back and moved into a flat on our own. I had two terrible jobs and then found a good one, and we moved back to where we grew up, and a few houses from his parents, in February.
In March, we split over a stupid argument. He took some stuff and left to live with his parents. we didn't talk for a fortnight and I was cut up. Then we slowly started talking more and seeing each other once or twice a week. I thought we were getting things back on track. I made it very clear that I didn't want to be his friend, I'm too emotionally connected.
Two weeks ago, we shared a hotel room after our train home was cancelled. It was a lovely night. After that, I pushed him for an answer about whether he wanted to try again. On Thursday night this week, he gave me an answer, finally. He said he can't get back together because he wants a simple, unattached life for a bit, and that it's no reflection on me or us. I replied to wish him the best, told him I'd make a plan for the flat and he could collect the rest of his stuff when it's less raw. I told him I hoped he'd find someone worth the effort, and then I went to bed and cried.
We were no contact Friday, which hurt, and yesterday. This morning he's had to contact me about the flat. It's been very matter-of-fact, and really bad timing. I've let him know that I've sorted it, but now have to start NC again, and it kills me.
In my heart-of-hearts, I want him to come back. I miss him and I love him and I think he's going through a tough patch and when his parents leave it alone and he finds out if he's being made redundant next month, he'll regret this. But I know I can't wait for him anymore, as much as it hurts.
On a practical level, I need to decide what I'm going to do about the house but I can't face that right now. Likewise, I probably need to learn to drive, and I'm going to ask the council for help with things like taking the bin out and hoovering, because my disabilities are bad. I'm going to try and make new friends.
Bizarrely, I found out on Thursday that my mum and dad have divorced, and my mum is remarrying. She sent me a Facebook message. My Dad appears to have disappeared off the face of the earth. All of my sisters were taken into care eventually, it seems.
I shouldn't contact them because of how it was, I've been NC for 8 years, but I'm tempted, having just lost DP and his extended family.
I don't know how to get through all of this...At the moment I am going for one hour long walk a day to get me outside (I work from home due to disabilities) and then going to bed at 7pm.