How to actually leave? Practical advice needed

[AdamantEve]

Can anyone advise please how to actually leave a relationship?

2 pre-school aged children, I work full time but I pay all childcare costs so that obliterates my salary meaning I can't save a deposit for a new rental.

Current home rented in partners name.

No family or friends nearby to stay with.

How do I physically leave with nowhere to go? No violence etc just general shit behaviour and shit parenting and it's time to call it a day.

Please tell me the obvious solution that I'm missing because I fear I'll be trapped here forever.

Get some legal advice as a starting point so you know where you stand financially and how much you can expect him to have to pay you each month.

See a solicitor, do an online benefits calculation and then talk to him.

The fact you live in a rented home in your partners name actually makes things easier for you than someone who shares a mortgaged home jointly owned. In theory you can just up and leave - easier said than done I know! I would look on the "turn to us" website and do a benefits calculation as if you are single already - it will tell you what tax credits etc you will be able to claim and give you some idea about what you'll have coming in.

Could you stay with family to claim tax credits as a single person and use those to save a deposit? Contact your local council to see if they can help you with housing or have a deposit scheme, some do. Again if you have moved out with family then they will make more effort to house you than if you stay with your soon to be ex.

Is there any way you could get part time evening work or weekend work for the short term to save a deposit?

Sorry just seen you have no family nearby. I should have read more carefully.

You need legal advice I'm afraid. Is there anyway you can broach that he should also contribute the childcare costs so that you can start to save.

But take care - in them things will get easier

Is there anyone at all that could lend you the money for a deposit, that way you'd have your own place in no time. Or change your name over on the contract and ask him to leave?

I did it with the help of a charity.
They paid my deposit and removals fee.
I couldn't have done it without this help.
Maybes you could see if there is one that can help you?
Also you can claim as single parent for child tax credit even if you're still in the same house.
Good luck.

Well, getting the one-off deposit is one thing but the ongoing rent and other living expenses are a greater issue.

I think you need legal advice because presumably the DC father should be paying some maintenance, do you know how much this would be? You can do the calculation on the govt website to give you a starting point.

Then you would also have the child benefit, 25% council tax discount and possibly some tax credits.

But it would help if you could save up to give yourself a bit of fallback.

Thanks for the advice some things to think about here. I actually think my mum would definitely be able to lend me a deposit - so obvious, I knew I was missing something!! So thank you to loveyoutothemoon for suggesting that. My head is all over the place, clearly can't see the wood for the trees.

I'm going to look at available local properties to rent now and start making my plans, think I possibly can do this, onwards and upwards.

Yes Adam I think the only thing you can do is to find a private rented property, as you are unlikely to be considered a priority with the Council who of course sub contract most of their housing to Housing Associations.

More people are in private rented accdt now than ever before, and it's not secure, because the owner of the property can decide to sell up at anytime. But it's your only option really and the rent will depend on the area in which you are living - I hope it's not London! The average cost of a one bedroomed flat in London is approx. £1500 per month!

I think you would need to work out financial matters. It doesn't seem like you will be able to continue to work full time if all your salary goes on child care, but you might be able to claim housing benefit to help with the rent (called Local Housing Allowance) if private rented, and child tax credits. You will need a deposit and usually one month's rent in advance.

Why not ask LadyG about the charity that helped her to leave? I know Women's Aid help people but only if there is physical or emotional abuse. There is also a charity called Advance that operates in the London area.

The best housing charity though is SHELTER - there is an enormous amount of information of their website and you can phone for advice - but lines are busy so you might have to wait, but the workers there are very helpful and knowledgeable.

Well done for wanting a better life.........!