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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fuming!!!!!!

20 replies

SweetieXPie · 22/08/2015 22:42

I am so annoyed.
DH and I have been having some problems recently, financial and work issues.
We have barely seen each other this week, had a row yesterday morning that we haven't really resolved, he went out to work this morning early and didn't get home until 5ish.
He then took our youngest with him to the barbers to get his hair cut, which was fine, he had a friend with him.
He then returned home with the baby and said friend (just to clarify his friend lives 10 minutes away from the barbers) rather than drop friend home he bought him back to ours at 7.30, then didn't leave to drop him back until 10pm!!!
Before he left he came upstairs to see where I was (2 hours later) I then told him I am shocked he came home with his friend when we have barely seen each other, and still needed to sort out our own argument. He got hacked off with me and told me I was being ridiculous!

OP posts:
Rockaria · 22/08/2015 22:46

I would be fuming about this too. It's too easy for blokes to play the 'you're being ridiculous' card when they know they are in the wrong. Have a glass of Wine & don't talk to him til he's stopped being a twat!

Original poster
SweetieXPie · 22/08/2015 22:57

GrinGrinGrin I knew it wouldn't just be me, he just looked at me as if I had two heads when I told him how upset I was.
He has been gone for an hour now, God knows when he will be back, then we have a family BBQ tomorrow so we will have to ensure we have our false smiles on Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetieXPie · 22/08/2015 23:16

Ok so he is in, just had a massive argument, he can't understand why I was annoyed, apparently I should have told him ConfusedConfusedConfused
He has stomped off to bed now, oh and also decided to tell me he is going shopping tomorrow morning while we are all rushing to get out to the BBQ on time AngryAngryAngryAngry
Just feels like the icing on the cake of all the recent events! could happily pack my bags!

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 22/08/2015 23:19

What was Friday's row about, because it sounds like he's avoiding the issue by being too busy for a discussion?

Original poster
SweetieXPie · 22/08/2015 23:41

We had a stupid argument on Friday about him giving away a keyboard with an electrical item (we sell all of this sort of stuff) - we were both quite moody to be fair, bad nights sleep I had done a four hour round trip to work the day before!
I know we are both stressed a lot, he works long hours, have young children, just seems like things are not getting any better.
I am terrified we will wake up at 50 living separate lives
Hmm

OP posts:
ShitHappens1 · 23/08/2015 00:06

Sounds like an insignificant argument he'd probably forgotten about. I agree with him; you should have told him. Just because you're still simmering from an argument doesn't mean that he is.

Cabrinha · 23/08/2015 05:45

I'm with him. Was he really supposed to know you still wanted to have a row about the keyboard?

MistletoeBUTNOwine · 23/08/2015 06:56

Life is too short.
If you were both snappy on Friday, apologise for your part, and tell him it upset you.
Enjoy your BBQ BrewThanks

VaultHunter · 23/08/2015 07:11

I'm with him too.

TheStoic · 23/08/2015 07:23

I am terrified we will wake up at 50 living separate lives

If this terrifies you, you need to do your part right now and every day to prevent that happening. Either by letting minor disagreements go, or by seeking help for the communication problems in your marriage.

Original poster
SweetieXPie · 23/08/2015 07:55

Shithappens he was actually referring to his friend. He said I should ha e told him his friend should leave.

It's not about the argument, I am
aware it was a stupid argument, it was the fact we have barely seen each other, when we have seen each other we have been arguing, I just wanted a bit of time for us Hmm
We will be around family all day then he will be back to working tomorrow and the week will start again.
I know I need to learn to let things go, I just feel I let so many things go in our marriage to not stress him out.
Just feeling sorry for myself I suppose.

OP posts:
TheStoic · 23/08/2015 08:04

Let things go so YOU are not stressed out.

Fix the things you can control. Let go of the things you can't.

timeforabrewnow · 23/08/2015 08:08

If this terrifies you, you need to do your part right now and every day to prevent that happening. Either by letting minor disagreements go, or by seeking help for the communication problems in your marriage.

Just that ^^

timeforabrewnow · 23/08/2015 08:10

Sorry - that was a bit harsh. It actually sounds like you could do with a babysitter and arrange a night out for the two of you to re-connect with arguing.

rouxlebandit · 23/08/2015 08:21

You begin by saying that you are both under stress so this will inevitably set the backdrop for any attempt at sensible, rational discussion. I think DH's taking his friend with him to the barbers then bringing him home was his way of taking time out from your argument. DW and I tend to do that, each in our own way. Then we will normally kiss and make up and return to the argument in a calmer state of mind. I find that when we are forced to be in company, putting on happy front prevents any outward show of animosity for a while and the pretence can become reality. We have even seen the funny side of what caused the argument in the first place. I'm not saying which of you is right or wrong. If your bond is strong you will work this out - I hope so!

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 23/08/2015 08:23

I think I am with him too but I can understand your worries. I can't see how he was supposed to have known you wanted to spent some time together if you didn't tell him and ask the friend to leave. I think you both need to be clearer in communication.

Perhaps the way forward is to plan family/you time so that you are spending time together.

Original poster
SweetieXPie · 23/08/2015 08:32

Thank you ladies. It really put things in perspective.
I guess I assumed he would be thinking the same way as me as we rarely see each other.

Timeforabrew - you are so right, we really do need a night away from the children just us. I couldn't tell you the last time we had some time together on our own without it being out for someone's birthday x

I normally have no problem with having people round, I would normally be making food and chatting I just let my annoyance and the fact I have had the kids all summer (7 days a week) bar three days he has taken off. I am probably at the end off tether now Hmm

OP posts:
Wando · 23/08/2015 09:00

Do you have family or friends who could help you with a night away?

Original poster
SweetieXPie · 23/08/2015 09:10

Not really, we normally ask MIL but she is having a stressful time in her personal life at the moment, so I'd rather not bother her. My Mum loves too far away and works long hours.
In fairness I have had a lot of friends offer to have them while we go out for a meal but we just don't seem to find the time, I always feel a little awkward asking them to come round and sit with mine, whilst having to then arrange for their DH to be at home for their own DCs.
We definitely need a night out, he has come downstairs now (we slept separately last night) so maybe time for me to offer the olive branch Blush

OP posts:
Wando · 23/08/2015 09:25

Why not suggest the meal/night out. Take your friends offer up. I don't see the downside.

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