Gutted but why???

[hazel1910]

It was 2 years and 3 months ago that my partner told me he was going to leave me and the kids (yes 2yrs 3 mths!!! it felt like a prison sentence)... Well he packed his clothes and left the house yesterday.
I'm gutted but don't know why?
After we bought a house together he told me he didn't want to move in with me.
He told me he didn't want to get married but Xmas 95 he proposed to me saying your ring is in the room find it??? Ever the romantic!!!! (we never got married because he said we couldn't afford it)
When I found out I was expecting our 1st child he accused me of sleeping with a close family member!!! he then never turned up to ante natal appointments because of his commitments to a cricket club and the fact that he had done it all before with his ex.
He has abused me physically and mentally.
He has turned to drinking in large quantities which has also impacted on his behaviour to the kids and me, I took them straight away from him and ended up driving around my home town with 2 frightened kids and with nowhere to go. But ended up back at the house with him promising he would change... yeah right!
That is just a brief list of some of the things he has done over 20 years of us as a couple.
So why am I gutted he's gone?

I guess because he's what you're used to and he's the one that made the decision to go?

You might want to consider some counselling. You're allowed to grieve the end of a relationship, even a bad one. Get some family/friend support so that you're not tempted to ask him back and help you make good decisions for a happier home.

Oh Hazel I'm so sorry for what you are going through. You are definitely better off without him & now he's finally gone you can start to rebuild & move forward. However, I do know EXACTLY how you feel. I started a thread yesterday (What is stopping me getting over my ex when I really want to...) - because I feel the same way. I'm nearly 11 weeks on & although I know we were never going to go anywhere because he was a self centred, selfish twunt I STILL miss him & EVERYTHING reminds me of him. Don't know what else to say other than it does get slightly easier as the weeks go by but I'm atill waiting for the day I wake up & don't think of him.

Its a big change and now, after a very long drawn out time of being forced to compromise and tip toe around, you are finally free to move on. The freedom can be very scary at first. Give yourself some time.

Thanks for all your replies xx
I did the stupid thing of asking him back and saying I'm sorry for how I was, to which he stated no. I then retaliated by telling him to move the rest of his stuff out by next week.
I've also told him to take his dogs, this has been hard as I love them, but will not have the time or money to take care of them. I told my kids what I had to do, youngest was sad but OK, oldest (who isn't taking this situation well) wants to keep them and look after them. I feel so horrible saying no, but I've not done this through spite, it's the pure harsh reality of what has to be!
My mind is on overdrive at the moment, I think he's moved out to be with someone else, reason why? 1) he hasn't told kids where he's living 2) he didn't take any toiletries or towels with him, so what's he using??? Then I start to think I'm being obsessive.... get over it!!! Then start feeling upset again.
I have to say it's the future I think I'm scared of. I work at the same place as him, and have to deal with him frequently. How do I cope with finding out he's moved on? How do I hold conversations with him without bursting into tears??? How do I manage holding the kids together when I'm a mess???

The more you can make a clean beak the better. He is a cock. Repeat after me he is a cock.

Oh bless you :) I did just repeat he is a cock and it made me chuckle for the first time in ages THANK YOU :) xx

Just need to vent...
I have to stop obsessing over him having another woman (arrggghhh!!! get over it!)... good luck to her! She can listen to him complaining about his sore ar$e, bleeding all the time. She can sort out the sudocream on his Ahole. She can buy the butt wipes so it make it easy to wipe his ar$e.
He's a cock, he's a cock, he's a cock

He sounds like a massive twatty bellend.

Would you consider moving jobs?

TBH I've started looking, but have been in my job for 20 plus years, it was my comfort zone.
Since being with him I've lost a lot of confidence, I've put on weight, I doubt my abilities, I hate everything about myself.
In reality I'm scared of moving on into another job.

Keep looking and stay strong. Have you a friend or family member you trust and can talk to about what you are going through. Sharing the story can sometimes help.

If in doubt chant - he is a cock!

On Tuesday I felt really in control, I decided to start telling friends and colleagues about our split. I felt heaps better. This was after he called round the previous evening to collect his 3 precious bikes and his tools from the shed. I let rip at him, I was shaking with anger.
I'm on a course of ups and downs today. The ups - his car had a flat tyre and he couldn't fit in all he was wanting to do with the kids today (they weren't bothered about going off with him!!!) the downs he was going to take kids to see his parents for the 1st time since the split, I feel for them, and I'm constantly wondering what has been said.
I will now start to repeat my new mantra "He's a COCK!", "He's a COCK!" and see if I can shake it off.

Well done - small steps one at a time.

Suspisions confirmed.
He is back with his old girlfriend in Barnsley. The lying COCK!
I hope his dick shrivels up and hope her tits sag to her knees and
Karma catches her big time!
Lying b@st@rds the both of them.

Get chanting again.

What a twat.

Keep posting you will get support.

I'm changing for you now - sleep well if you can

Chanting!