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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

STBXH insecure / agressive to my family - why?

2 replies

BugEyedBeans · 22/08/2015 20:54

Can anyone help me understand this weird behaviour of STBXH? (not that it matters much now... )

He has always found it very difficult to get on with my family. Seems to feel he is being ignored or not paid attention to in the way he thinks he should be. e.g. - thinks my mum is patronising him - or deliberately cooking food she knows he dislikes - severe criticism of my mum wanting to help everyone (she doesn't always get it right, she has slight matriarch tendencies, but then who does?) - says unpleasant things (inc swearing) about my nephews & nieces inthehearingofmysisters_ - constantly criticising my family to me etc etc. At a family wedding I could see him working himself up because he thought our group should be seated in a more prominent / comfortable position, to the extent of shouting at some of the other family, creating a massive scene, and upsetting my DC and sisters. Fortunately my very kind and helpful nephews moved in and calmed him down eventually. Why would he feel the need to assert himself in this unpleasant way?

It is a bit like another recent thread on here about people who pride themselves on their bluntness / telling it like it is. He thinks I care more about being polite than 'telling the truth' (i.e. the 'truth' as he thinks it is). But I feel maybe there is some deep-seated insecurity there - but why?

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 22/08/2015 21:12

Is his mum very enabling? Is he her precious little golden boy?

BugEyedBeans · 22/08/2015 21:26

What an interesting question!
I had not thought of that before...

Not exactly precious golden boy, but STBX is close to MIL and they have a strong sense of family identity & shared values. BIL is definitely the 'black sheep' of their family, did not conform to PIL's wishes re job, house, marriage etc, and come to think of it I have seen STBXH do this with BIL - has to have an argument whenever they meet / tell him off over something he should be doing - before they can settle down and be together.
(too many acronyms!)

I get on pretty well with his mum and in fact quite admire her cheerful approach... but his dad was very critical, nothing ever good enough, disciplined and austere.

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