Does he just not love me?

[RollerGirl7]

I'm in the situation of having 2 kids with a guy who says he wants to get married but has yet not popped the question.

Been together 6 years, finances are good. Quite happy, few argue ends but no-one has cheated and it is generally agreed that we will get married, we've had conversations about the type of wedding, honeymoon, etc. he is quite traditional and would be embarrassed and never forgive me if i asked him. He just won't ask me, he's always buying himself expensive guitars, spending couple of thousand so money for a ring isn't an issue.

Only issue in our relationship, and a much bigger issue really is that we don't have sex. He's not the usual cold unfeeling guy that you think of when someone says they don't have sex, we hold hand, cuddly, sleep lying together but there is nothing sexual about it. We're a bit little 12 year olds in that way. We hardly ever kiss, every day we will give each other a peck when he leaves the house but we won't snog or have a proper kiss, it's been so long I think I'd be a bit embarrassed to do that now.

Last time we had sex was April, it usually happens app 3 times a year, maybe an anniversary or birthday as we feel we should but this year our birthdays came and went and we just didn't get round to it.

This makes me feel awful. Does he not live me anymore? Are we just friends? Does he just not fancy me?

I'm not awful looking, I'm no super model but average height, size 10/12 and prettyish. I try to make an effort for him, e.g wearing nice matching underwear, the other day I got into bed like this but he literally ignored me and went to make us tea before we went to sleep.i can't help thinking a normal sex life would have been him wanting to have sex with me a couple of times a week. I'm so conscious after all the rejection that I never instigate sex, I would feel embarrassed like he might say no.

Please help this is the only place the relationship falls down, I don't really want to leave him but sometimes I find myself fantasising about cheating (I never would actually do it) but it would be nice to be wanted by a man again.

What can I do to get some spark back? Bearing in mind I'm a bit conscious and embarrassed and he seems to have no sex drive. Although I believe he does want porn sometimes.

I think you need to have a conversation with yourself before you broach the subject with your 'house mate' again. What were your relationship role models? Why do you prioritise his feelings at your expense? Is it a 'good' relationship, if a basic need isn't being met and never really was? Why on earth would you marry a man you can not talk to and with whom you are rarely intimate with?

My Ex was my best friend until the moment when I stopped talking to him about important subjects for fear of being ignored or worse, fobbed off (approx year two of a ten year relationship), out of habit I still referred to him as my best friend though. Having DD was a temporary distraction but Motherhood exposed the fundamental flaws in our relationship because it revealed my greater expectations for both me and our relationship.

If you want a sex life then you are at the very least, going to have to prioritise the discussion. Delegating your sex life to someone who prefers watching women pretend to enjoy being ejaculated on, over actual sex, is madness.

As long as your H prefers the status quo and you aren't prepared to push for change, then this will be the rest of your life.

Would you be happy to never have sex again?

While you've said that this isn't a dealbreaker for you, it's possible that it's something that would stop him from taking your relationship to the next level.

Even if I thought it was worth maintaining the status quo, I definitely wouldn't marry someone who I didn't have an active and satisfying sex life with, and whom I could communicate with well.

No-one but him can tell you what is going on inside his head, but I don't think the lack of proposal is the big concern here. You have too many serious issues to be contemplating marriage at the moment.

Maybe this is one of these "the more you do it the more you want to" situations?

I think you should give that a try and he should quit the porn while you try it too.

Although you will need to talk to him first