stbxh and baby don't know each other

[whateverloser]

What would you do? My dh left last year when baby was ten weeks old. We have five dc together. He has no contact with them and pays no financial support. He doesn't acknowledge their birthdays or communicate with them at all. It's been a very difficult time but we are over the worst and we have moved on. However, what would you do about the baby knowing her dad? Photos etc and talking about him? I fully believe he has mh issues but he left for the ow, so I can't help him with that. I have never tried to stop him seeing the children and their well being is my only concern now.

Sadly you cannot force your ex to have a relationship with his children. You can when asked show her pictures and tell her stuff about him. Why is he not paying CM? Have you gone through the CSA or whatever it is called now?

What do your older DC say about their absent father?

I am sorry you have had such a difficult time OP.

I am going through the Child maintenance service. Sadly it is a slow process. I started it about ten months ago. I gave him six months to pay willingly, which he didn't do. It hasn't even been to court yet and its likely to be November till that happens. The older children decided they didn't want to see him ( nearly 17,15,13), but the 8 year old would love to see him. We see him around as the ow lives around the corner from me! They don't live together as far as I know. I don't want the baby growing up to have no idea of who he is, even though who he is isn't very nice!

My older dc had very limited contact with their father. All you can do is be honest. Kind but honest. The dc work it out regardless of what you do.

All you can control is how good a parent you are...

Incredibly difficult & hard work for you. He will realise what he lost out on...eventually.

I have no doubt that he will realise his loss; I'm sure he already has. I show her photos occasionally, it's just it's a bit weird ' this is daddy....'

Your baby is less than 2 years old and you're showing her photos?
I wouldn't bother.
When she's older if she asks about him, tell her then and show photos.
How on earth do you talk to to a pre verbal child about an absent father? "this is daddy, he ducked off as he's an arsehole". Do her a favour and don't rub her nose in the photo.

What a shit he is. Why does CMS have to go to court? Do they need that for attachment of earnings? Because the maintenance calculation is income based, not court determined.

Don't worry about the baby, I was the youngest when my df left and had no memory of him. I was also the least affected by it all.

Every time you show the infant photos and talk to her about her absent father clearly doesn't give a shit about any of his dc, you're reminding your 8 yo of him.

He doesn't have to be a taboo subject; simply take your cue from your dc and talk about him as when they raise him as a topic of conversation.

Well said, goddess.

He is avoiding paying anything for them. Cms have accessed his bank account three times, but they have to write to him to say they are doing this, so of course, he has removed all his money. They won't go for an attachment of earnings, because his income is unreliable. The system is screwed to be honest. They can't access his bank account again until 2016. The court order can mean bailiffs visiting him, but they don't know where he lives! I don't know where he lives either, or I would gladly tell them. We had a very long marriage (17 years) and relationship of 21 years. It is very difficult to know the best way of dealing with it with regards the dc.

Stop trying to force a relationship he doesn't want.

Nothing good can come of that.