Is there any point in getting married?

[missmrs]

DP and I have been together for about four years and have DS (3 months old). We've talked about getting married but the more I think about it there more I'm not sure whether there is any point!

My romantic side thinks it would be lovely to be proposed to, to know that someone wants to spend the rest of their life with you, have a lovely posh dress, lots of family and friends wishing us well, security for DS, not having to explain why I have different surname to DS, etc.

But my cynical/sensible side wonders what difference would it make, once we'd had the big day then we'd be exactly the same as we are already (only in more debt!). We're not religious, there'd be the nightmare of family politics, my mum and MIL don't get along, and having DS seems more of a commitment than getting married because he links us together permanently.

Just wondered what people's views are - has anyone got married after living together for a while and does it make a difference?

how on earth can you get a hamster and a meerkat mixed up

jools

Indeed

Also there is no such term as "common law wife or husband" and the law allows no such protection for unmarried couples in the even that one of them dies suddenly.

You are not related - you cannot administer their estate on death according to intestacy laws. You cannot even apply for letters of administration as you are no related in law.

I used to process mortgage applications (for my sins!) and I will always remember one particularly loved up couple who came in sort out their mortgage. They told us they would be together forever but remained unmarried. Several years later they split up - the legal ramifications with regards to their mortgage was immense and the war of words between them horrific to witness. These two ended up talking through solicitors.

"All our finances are in joint names so I have assumed if DP died they would automatically revert to me.
Also at what age could a child administer an estate? Presumably they would qualify as a relative".

Hamster,

Would advise you as a couple to talk all the above through with a Solicitor who can advise you properly with regards to the above.

WWW is right - never assume anything particularly when it comes to legal matters.

Yes, will do, Attila.
We saw a solicitor years ago when we did the wills but she didn't raise any other issues and we didn't know enough to ask.

Thanks everyone for all your comments - I hadn't realised just quite how complicated the legal stuff would be!

Meerkat, is the £80 widows pension for every widow or just if the DH has been paying into a pension?

DP and I own our house jointly and I earn more than him so if anything happened to him I can afford to bring up DS on my own - I pay for most things as it is. If we split up I don't think he could afford to pay maintenance anyway. If we submitted Parental Responsibility forms would I still lose out on some things with us not being married?

From the Department of Work and Pensions website:-

Single tax-free lump sum of £2000 payable immediately to help towards cost arising from bereavement. A widow/widower may be entitled to this if his/her late spouse had paid enough National Insurance contributions (NIC) and he/she was under 60 when her spouse died; or their husband/wife was not getting a Category A State Pension when he /she died.

Widowed Parents Allowance

Weekly benefit payable to widowed parents. A widow/widower may be entitled to this if his/her late spouse had paid enough NIC and the widow/widower is receiving Child Benefit or can be treated as entitled to Child Benefit, or the late spouse was receiving child benefit, or expecting her husbands baby or in certain cases of artifical insemmination.

The amount of Widowed Parents Allowance is based on their late spouse?s NIC record. He/she may also get benefit for their eldest dependant child and further benefit for each subsequent child and may also include an additional pension based on their late spouse?s earnings. If the late spouse was a member of a contracted-out occupational scheme or personal pension scheme, that scheme is responsible for paying the whole or part of the additional pensions.
Bereavement Allowance

Weekly benefit payable to widows/widowers without dependant children and is payable between age 45 and pensionable age. The amount payable to a widow/widower aged between 45 and 54 is related to their age at date of entitlement. The weekly rate is reduced by 7% for each year they are aged under 55, so they will get 93% rate at 54, falling to 30% at age 45. Those aged 55 or over at the date of entitlement will get their full rate of Bereavement Allowance.

The amount is based on their late spouse?s NIC record and is payable for a maximum of 52 weeks from the date of bereavement. A person cannot get Bereavement Allowance at the same time as Widowed Parents Allowance. If Widowed Parents Allowance ends within 52 weeks of bereament, Bereavement allowance is payable up to the 52nd week.

A widow/widower CANNOT get bereavement benefits based on their late spouse?s NIC if: he/she had been divorced from the man/woman who died, or he/she was living with the man/woman as if they were married to them but without being legally married; or he/she is living with another man/woman as if they were married to them; or he/she was in prison or held in legal custody.

Think you need to have a long and detailed chat as a couple with a Solicitor so you know where you stand financially. As previously mentioned there is no such thing as "common law wife" or "common law husband" and your financial position could actually be more precarious than you realise.