What is missing in society/the world

[zas1]

I was talking in depth with a friend about this. We are old enough to look back without too much rose tintedness, hopefully but sometimes I do think especially in London/SE in relationships romantic and otherwise everyone has got so so selfish and materialistic and competitive I just think we have lost something. I reckon there are hardly any "facilitators" left by which I mean the kindly aunt/uncle figure not necessarily even related to you who used to ensure people had an opportunity to get together romantically. She (originally from Poland) reckons there is an enormous shortage of especially men who are big, happy,secure characters and who applaud and make others feel good without any ulterior motive. I stopped short (just) of pointing out my own lovely DS as another thread details is perhaps just one eg of this dying breed. I kind of know what she means though. .when I was a young girl I remember my father taking us to an Italian restaurant where the owner would sing to every single table every night and you just felt like you were walking on air...Alternatively maybe I have just grown cynical and don't see them as I did when small..so ...

Ponders whether each generation has felt like this since time immaterial (is that what I mean??)

Interesting OP.

Time immemorial I think you meant, Woo :)

the kindly aunt/uncle figure not necessarily even related to you who used to ensure people had an opportunity to get together romantically.

I have no idea what this means - unless you're referring to arranged marriages?

Haha yes!

I quite like time immaterial!

It's love, innit. Its kind of GONE. Even the 'they're really saying I love you' re shaking hands, saying how do you do. That's gone. A kind of charity has gone especially in London - but there's so many of you there it would be exhausting. Though NY does it, why can't we?

Perhaps we need a disaster, that would buck everybody up

Have a look at the thread where rich(ish) people are complaining about the total PAIN of having to spend money given to them by strapped relatives. How they have to act grateful, go to all the trouble of sending thank you cards, find something to spend the measly sum (to them, not to the giver though!) on. How it is an offence in their lives bcs they are so busy doing Important Things they just don't have time to bank pesky cheques - so inconsiderate of the giver!

Respect has gone. From everywhere.

That's a good way of putting it

I wasn't talking about arranged marriage, just people who take a sufficient interest in others personal happiness to help them. I am sometimes surprised when I see warmth and kindness in others maybe I shouldn't be.

It is sad that we are surprised when we see warmth. I go on the tube everyday and you harder ever see it.

I think society has woken up to those big characters not being all they seemed.

Err, I am not rich, I just don't want to play the unsolicited gifting each other game and thank you cards.

Why would you see it on the tube?
I think people have always complained about previous generations being easier/better but I don't think it's the case, there will always be dickheads but there are more loving, caring people to outnumber them.

Don't really get the bit about the singing restaurant owner, I used to hate it when men would sing songs to me when I was younger, found it embarrassing and cringe.

I think a lot of people nowadays lack empathy. I think that is why I enjoy going to church, people are actually interested in you and are mostly compassionate and selfless.

Thats weird coz all my friends and close family have empathy.

My experience of church is that people are only interested in overseeing your morality to ensure it fits what they believe it should be. Church people IME were some of the least compassionate and most anxious and abusive people I've known.

I think what's missing is time and happiness. People are so overworked now, long commutes on top of demanding jobs with long hours. There is less time and emotional energy for caring.

Your point r.e. being surprised when you see warmth and kindness in others resonates with me. I also get taken aback when I see a demonstration of kindness among strangers. Speaks volumes doesn't it?

Not all church ppl are like that Offred. Though an awful lot are, to be fair

Interesting you brought that up bcs the new God is ourselves; we are who we worship, our lives, our lifestyles. We wouldn't be half so busy and stressed if some of that monumental effort into getting the very very best for ourselves was expended on improving the lot of others re outward effort instead of incessantly inward . interesting that all that relentless inward effort makes us thoroughly miserable.

Most of the people I know are very overworked and underpaid. They are working to avoid homelessness and starvation which is approximately 1 pay check away, not to buy fancy stuff they don't need.

I live in the NW though.

Yes, i'm in that category too Offred. Doesn't mean that the majority aren't busting a gut to be a celebrity in their own lives: better, bigger; survival of the most dazzling.

If you have the premise that life is more materialistic and selfish then you are less likely to see the simple acts of kindness. I live in London and most days see people giving aseats on the tube to those in need or helping woman with buggies.

Any city by its nature is busy but I believe people do try to rub along together and help with simple acts because it helps everyone

Interesting thread...

I think the problems have always been there but now we are overwhelmed by 'insights' into other people's [photoshopped and edited] lives - their beautiful houses and youthful bodies and perfect marriages and endless holidays and successful business ventures. We are encouraged to think its all within our grasp if we just buy the right products and buy lottery tickets. We are encouraged to compare ourselves to others and to feel entitled to more. Its easy to spend the day feeling like a failure when actually you are just normal.

I'm as guilty as anyone of presenting a happy face the world via Facebook for the benefit of my friends and colleagues, though I do try to avoid the boasting.

Another thing is that there is a lot of bad press around charity and poor people. Just look at the refugee crisis - its a humanitarian crisis, but to many people these poor people have been dehumanised. There are plenty of idiots who think that homeless people are homeless by choice, or that people who use food banks spend the welfare on crack. Also plenty of people who think charities are a scam. I'm not being naive about this - I'm sure not everyone is a saint, but we are bombarded with this nastiness all the time and I think it just makes us feel weary and scared of being taken for a mug.