Put up a fight or roll over yet again?

[SomeonesRealName]

I wonder if I might get some perspectives on my situation. I left a violent marriage some 18 months ago. It took a year to get my ex out of the house, which I took possession of about six months ago. Put it on market and didn't spend any time there, which is why I have only just noticed that my ex did some considerable damage to a few items before moving out. These were things that were supposed to transfer to me in the divorce. I was already angry that he took a lot of things that were supposed to be mine but I let it slide, even though it was theft. He already cleaned me out walking off with all the profit from the house and half my pension, both cars and leaving me with all the debt, including credit card debt he ran up in my name when I was on mat leave - and after I'd been effectively homeless all that time.

I feel crushed and like this is the last straw - although I'm sure there is still plenty of fuckwittery in store as we have DC.

The problem is although I want to do something about his actions and to some extent feel I should show that i am willing to stand up to him, I'm also very frightened of how it might escalate when things are on a reasonably even keel as long as I make nice all the time and pretend he's my best and most favourite buddy. I hate being so powerless.

If anyone any experience or advice for me that might help I'd be really appreciative. I'm getting very cautious advice from rl friends, which is understandable.

Thanks.

That's awful, OP.
I would begin by speaking to a solicitor. Or better, speak to Women's Aid. Tell them what has happened, ask their advice, and see if they can recommend a solicitor who understands the situation.

Absolutely fight.
At least, get a solicitor to give you an opinion on how far you would get, and then you can make a mental health / time / chance of success type decision.

Why is your financial settlement so poor? Is that signed now?

I'm sure I would win in court if I took him back it would be a simple matter of he has not complied with the order. I'm scared of how he might retaliate and how it might escalate. I think I have to once again suck it up. Feels good to have vented a bit.

So if you fought..what's the absolute worst scenario of what would happen op?

I found this useful to sort of list down when faced with friendly & fair/get fucking fucked decisions I've had to make this year.

Fair to him I might add, never to me.

I'm scared of how he might retaliate and how it might escalate.

That is a risk assessment only you can make, based on his previous violent behaviour.

My instinct is always to fight for your rights (especially if you've already been awarded a financial settlement) however if you feel you are physically at risk (or your DCs would be) then you will have to weigh up how you can mitigate that risk against the gain for you and the DC.

You can still consider legal / WA advice, OP, even if you choose not to take it.

What's going through my mind is that the situation might escalate anyway, however nicely you act. I also feel that you need someone on your team even if you don't act on any advice offered. Just to speak to someone who is on your side might reduce that sense of powerlessness.

It's really hard. My sense is that it's going to escalate whatever you do and so you should do whatever is right for you.

But if he hasn't complied I think all the court will do is tell him to do so. They won't reverse the terms of the order. Why is it so unfavourable to you?

Have you talked to someone about this. That's the first step.

Hi I'm sorry I didn't come back to the thread. It is very distressing. I got a bad deal in the divorce because I was negotiating from a position of despair, pessimism about the legal system, fear and relative weakness as he was occupying the house and I am very intimidated by him as I have known him to behave very vindictively and create serious damage for people. In terms of the latest discovery, nothing has changed and I know I have to suck it up for my own safety and that of DC. It's just so unfair and I needed to vent. Thanks for the support, as always I am tearing up now.