How often do your DP's go out?

[imwithspud]

Just curious, my dp does badminton once a week with work mates and has also decided that he wants to go to the driving range once a month and also do a 9 hole round of golf once a month, both activities which don't take long at all, an hour, two max maybe.

We have a nearly 3yo and 12 week old dd's so I don't get much me time at the moment, as expected. Just interested to see how often other people's partners go out and do hobbies and stuff. I don't think my dp does too much but I can't help but feel a little envious at his 'freedom' sometimes. Although to be fair he does his fair share around the house as well so I can't really complain too much.

To the pub: about ince every six months.

Hobbywise: about twice a week. But I make sure I get the same. Its pretty fair.

*once

Yeah to be fair I am wanting to start swimming or something maybe twice a week when the baby is a bit more predictable with feeding and sleeping so I'm sure things will balance out a bit more then. I'm just so tired and drained right now.

Never, maybe his works Xmas do once a year. He's pretty much a homebody. I go out about once every couple of months with friends for a meal and drinks.

I think we are pretty rare though.

Mine has always gone out on a set night of the week (weeknight not weekend) for a certain hobby, he's been doing it for over 20 years. He will only miss it if:
we are away on holiday
someone is in hospital
we have a baby less than a week old
he has to work late/away from home
it is our wedding anniversary, or my birthday, or the DC birthdays (he goes if its his own birthday)

He occasionally goes out on a weekend night - perhaps for a friends birthday, end of hobby season celebration, stag do, works 'unofficial' Christmas party - probably 5 times a year?

He does:

an occasional fishing trip, taking about 4-6 hours perhaps twice a year
kayaking maybe once a month in the summer, 3hrs or so
a couple of cycle rides a month, min. 2hr each

We tried a thing where I had a regular weekday evening to myself, but it just didnt feel necessary. I had nothing specific to go out for and it felt like a chore - anything I want to do which requires time to myself, I wish to do in my own home really, I.e. Reading, sunbathing, polishing my car, sorting out my wardrobe, making some new jewellery bits, so no point me going out

I much prefer the flexibility of being able to say oh I'm going to so and so's house on Friday night for drinks and catch up, I'll be out til 4am all evening don't wait up. This happens probably once every 2-3 months. He's not keen on this, but a timely mention of his weekly activity soon nips that one in the bud!

Mine goes to training once a week at 7, so unfortunately I have to do bedtime and supper on my own. He also plays sports on Saturday which can take from 3 hours up to the whole day depending on where they play. We have a DS 1yr, I didn't mind too much last year when I was on maternity leave and the baby was small but I think with us both working the same amount this year we might have to reconsider. Also, the baby doesn't stop now! Not sure if IABU to stop him playing so much though? X

It's not very fair if him to take on extra hobbies whilst your baby is still very little and presumably needing night feeds etc.

I would be upset too, can you make a deal what he can give you an afternoon every weekend to yourself as well? Or not start his additional hobbies till your DD is sleepin through?

I think hobbies are good for both people as we all need our own lives and space. I can't believe lmisscheese that your dh going out one night a week is a problem. If he was on shift work you would have to put little one to bed every night by yourself. It's hard with a 12 week old op but your time will come. Separate hobbies keep relationships interesting and means ye both get to know new people. Every night would be a problem but even for their health and wellbeing one night and a bit at weekend isn't much. Also as kids grow a sporty parent is a good example and they can always go with their dad in years to come

Oh, bloody never without me. I wish he bloody would and give me some bloody space now and again. My children are long gone but I am never ever in the house on my own.

Having got that off my chest, I can sympathise. It's the way they just make their arrangements independently while you can't do anything without thinking through the childcare logistics, isn't it?

About 4 or 5 football trips a year between 4 days and 3 weeks at a time abroad of course!
He works away all week so only home 2-3 nights a week so when at home he wants to be with me. At the moment he's in Japan for 3 weeks (work)
I couldn't cope with a full time relationship so it works for me
We have been together for 18 years!

FAR more than that, including probably 3 weekends out of 4 or 5.
Makes a difference that our dc are teens though, so no getting up to them in the night, and I can just go out and leave them here if I wish. I am also out a lot - it's not that one of us is and the other isn't.

I'd have gone spare when mine were little if I hadn't got out and done something without them on a regular basis - even a couple of hours once a fortnight. I wouldn't have had any issues with a parent doing what your dp wants to, I'd just make sure that you both got a break, not just one of you.

Ok junebirthdaygirl I appreciate IABU. I also think parents playing sport is great for kids. It's more the every Saturday to be honest, however it's not like didnt know and its really important to him anyway.... Sorry to disrail, I'll start another thread if necessary. X. Thanks for feedback.

Also have no objection to him going bowling/ to the pub etc/ they tend to happen after bedtime!

Not enough!! I wish I had an evening just for me to watch tv or read in peace!!

Loads. But we're both flexible and mindful of each others needs which is all that matters.

Thanks for the replies, it doesn't seem like my DP does a lot at all compared to others, on the whole it doesn't bother me but sometimes after a hard day I wish I could get away for an hour or so! It will come in time though, once DC2 is less reliant on me and is a bit more predictable in terms of sleep. I must say I do enjoy the hour or so of alone time I get if I manage to get the baby down for the night when he does badminton. He's also been to the cinema since DC2 was born and in a few weeks he's going to a Rugby World Cup game with his dad. It does sort of balance itself out though as I go see my DN at least twice a week and me and the children usually end up going for lunch with her (well not so much DD2 as she doesn't eat yet obviously) or doing some sort of leisure activity.

He goes out to play music once a week, and to the pub maybe once every 3-4 weeks. I go out far more often than he does. DD is 2.6yo. When she was tiny we also made time for both of us to have some free time. It works well for us.

Dh goes out each Wednesday or Tuesday depending on which week we are on. And every Thursday but the Thursday he is back at 8.30
Once every 2 months he has an extra night out for something.
I don't have set nights out but never hesitate to leave the kids with him and go because I know I do my fair share

DP goes out twice a week to do hobbies. Occasionally goes for a night out - after I've told him to bloody go out I love watching a good film in peace without constant questions and random observations

Mine goes to the gym 3-4 evenings for approx two hours, has friend/s over for one evening in the week and the occasional night out socialising which is usually tied in with work.

I go out two or three times a week, am often home late from uni and I go to the gym, riding, play badminton and tennis, and see friends pretty much as I like.

We usually spend one evening together, and we go out together once or twice a month. I like things this way. One weekend day is usually spent together with the children going out in the day. Children are 10 and 14, we have help with childcare and I don't feel worn down with household crap-a-doodle which I think helps.

When DC were very young I couldn't envisage having five minutes to myself and the idea of DP swanning about socialising would have made me irritated in the extreme! He was thankfully very hands on and rarely went out.

Going out drinking - never. He goes to watch stock cars/motocross/etc when there is a good meeting on - local track only 4 miles away, or sometimes further afield. Probably once or twice a month.

He went when DS was 8 days old. I didn't mind at all.

I tend to go 'out out' more but still not often and that was pre baby.

This isn't about how much other people partners go out. This is about exactly what Morganly said. He's made arrangements independently of you, assuming that you will pick up the childcare and without much thought to what you may or may not want to do.

Hobbies/sports - 2-3 times a week. Same for me, and we also go out together for dinner/theatre etc about 2-3 times a month. We don't go out drinking/with friends that often - about a few times a year.

My clingy loving DP prefers to stay in with me or go out with me. And if I'm honest it's very nice
We were colleagues who shared interests and became friends THEN a couple so I suppose it comes from that. His shit day at work is also mine and on our free time we have the same hobbies anyway.