So lonely, can't see a future for me.

[iwalkalonelyroad]

My twin DDs are going to different universities in a couple of weeks and I am absolutely devastated.

I left my ex five years ago and since then threw myself into being the best mum I could.

I work full time and have had relationships of sorts, but they were really more FWB because I didn't want anything to come between the three of us. I have been seeing someone for the past two years but he's very selfish and not affectionate at all, he told me he'll never love me because of his past relationships and tbh I've given up hoping for anything more with him, or anyone at all really. At 46 I can't see me ever meeting anyone, OLD seems the only way and I couldn't handle the rejection.

I am so proud of my DDs and know they have their lives ahead of them. I have to let them go. But I am so crippled by sadness and loneliness and wishing I could turn the clock back that I am struggling to see a life ahead for me.

It feels as though the three of us have been on a journey together, one that I thought would last forever, but in the blink of an eye they have taken new, exciting paths, quite rightly without me, and I have been left at a dead end with absolutely nothing ahead.

I keep thinking about the memories we made together, and the fantastic memories they will go on to make, and I don't think I've got anything to make memories with now.

I don't think I can cope with them leaving me. I would never do anything stupid because of the affect it would have on them, but I think I just want go to sleep and not wake up because that's got to be better than sitting on my own in an empty house looking at where they used to sit and wishing for the past again.

Other friends all have DPs and are looking forward to starting another chapter of their lives with their best friend beside them. But my best friends are leaving me and I'm going to be so lonely.

I know I should be grateful for what I've got, and what I've had, because some people have so much sadness in their lives and don't get to see their children grow up, but I can't rationalise things like that, all I do is cry for what I had.

Is there anyone there who can help me?

Thank you.

I think it is natural to go through a process of grieving as your children fly the nest - mine are only little but I am already dreading this. And of course, you must be proud of raising two lovely girls and giving them the confidence to go out and make their own way in the world. It's not the end though, they'll be back for long holidays and keeping in touch is much easier than when I was at university (many moons ago).

I think you need to give yourself a little time to grieve. And then perhaps look for opportunities to do new and exciting things. Take up a new hobby or arrange a weekend away with friends? And don't assume friends with children won't be interested, I'd love to get away for a few days! Focussing too much on finding a partner is always a bad idea, IME. Focus on yourself and friendships instead.

didn't want to read and run as this is so sad. I expect others will be along soon.

While you're thinking of the past, think about what you used to enjoy doing, whether alone or with others, and start doing it again. Look into local groups that you can go to. Is there anything you've always sort of fancied trying, whether salsa or belly dancing or singing in a choir ... whatever. What about a women's institute group, are there any of those nearby? What about volunteering?

You have to start a new life and that is hard.

Your kids will still need you by the way. It will be different, but they're not completely walking out of your life.

Oh, lonely that is such a sad post. You have done so much to help your DDs have a happy life, and now it is your turn.
It sometimes helps to take stock at important points in your life, and, yes, make some changes
Tell us a little bit about your life, do you work? Socialise? Volunteer? Exercise?
What are your ambitions? Dreams? What is on your bucket list?
Who are your friends? Family? Animals?

This is not the end for you, it is a beginning

Your life can change for the better in a flash when you least expect it. My ds was in first year uni, I left my ex. I was 46.
It was quite lonely but I ploughed on. Dated occasionally. Wasn't interested in anyone. I was independent and solvent, just about.
At 48 I met him when least expected. Together now 18 years and married for 10.
You gave your dds wings, let them fly, and rejoice in doing a good job

Start a new chapter called 'me myself and I' '
Make lists of all the things you've never had time to do : get fit , join a gym , walking group , WI, reading group local library , yoga I could go on and on
I also suggest therapy you sound crippled with depression and perhaps see your GP.
46 is no age at all honestly

As the other posters have said it's entirely normal to feel a sense of bereavement when your children leave home. You need to allow yourself time to process your feelings and sadness. As Spudulike suggested it sounds like you might be depressed so it would be beneficial to visit your GP. Feeling loss and sadness is unfortunately part of life's rich tapestry and try as we might we can't avoid it it's a case of coping with it. Be patient and kind with yourself, things will change. Try and aim to do something every day for yourself, try and go out every day. Break your routine so you're not focusing on an empty house. All easier said than done I know but I have felt like you too. You're only young, life will be different but you can make it fulfilling and happy.

You sound like a lovely mother and, yes, you have a right to grief for your empty nest, but I think it is also part of our jobs as mothers to show our adult children that we can look after ourselves and enjoy our lives and they don't have to worry about us.

Besides the fact that some children, like my dd, are like boomerangs.

Thank you so much, all of you.

I know you are all right in what you say and I really appreciate you taking the time to comment.

I can't see the day ever coming when I don't cry for what I had, but I will take on board what you say, especially Atenco - I know I need to show them I will be alright on my own because I don't want to be a burden.

That's why letting it out here helps me, I don't want to do that in real life.

I can imagine how this must feel, but 46 is pretty young. There is soooo much you could do. Is there any travelling you want to do (lots of trips you can do on your own/in groups), activities, volunteering. Or even something like VSO - who do shorter trips for experienced professionals.

Your life is still ahead of you! Find a hobby, reacquaint with old friends, do what you have always wanted to do...etc