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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband forgot we were going out for anniversary tonight

15 replies

Mycatlikesdreamies · 20/08/2015 17:29

Posted on here earlier today a long winded, boring post Blush. To cut to the chase, my husband puts work before everything. We arranged to go out this evening for our wedding anniversary which was earlier this week. I just text him to ask if he'd booked anywhere and he rang and said he is working 200 miles away and had forgotten. I'm fuming Angry please advice me how to deal with this!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 20/08/2015 17:34

Well that's annoying! Is he coming home tonight?

Original poster
Mycatlikesdreamies · 20/08/2015 17:35

Hi Imperial, yes he will be home at about 10pm. Feel like he's checked out of this marriage.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 20/08/2015 17:44

Oh well that is really bad. It's great if someone works hard but nobody wants to think they come second to a job.

Was he apologetic?

Whatabloodylife2009 · 20/08/2015 18:02

I'm really sorry about that :-(
I hope he is sorry and makes it up to you.
When he comes home could you not have some food together?
I know it's not the same but it's better than not celebrating at all.
Happy anniversary anyway

TwoDrifters · 20/08/2015 18:03

Can you go out, Mycat? Meet up with friends? Have a few drinks and a laugh? At least you can celebrate!

Original poster
Mycatlikesdreamies · 20/08/2015 18:39

Yes Imperial he was apologetic but it's only words. Words mean nothing to me anymore as he puts work before me. I'm just an afterthought.

Thanks Whatabloodylife re Happy Anniversary ....I do feel happy on the whole but seething tonight.

Twodrifters I'm going out with friends next week but to late to make arrangements for tonight. Bath and maybe a glass or two of wine Grin

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 20/08/2015 19:42

Awful for you.

My DBro, though, loves his wife to distraction and couldn't remember an anniversary to save himself - we have to prompt him right up to the day! - birthdays, weddings, more or less anything except Xmas. An odd quirk in an otherwise thoughtful man.

Is it the only thing which would worry you about his behaviour towards you?

Atenco · 20/08/2015 21:37

I'm a self-employed workaholic, so different stresses involved, but I think all these addictions are a bit like other addictions, possibly ways of avoiding life. Also I have seen it in myself and in other workaholics we get overwhelmingly depressed when we stop working because we have given up all outside interests for the job and suddenly you realise how little else you have going for you.

This is nothing to do with you, OP. I have a beautiful dd and dgd and rarely any time to spend with them.

Smilingforth · 20/08/2015 22:49

So sad. Listen to him as it could be for a good reason but listen sceptically.

ravenmum · 21/08/2015 08:26

Reading only this post it reminded me of my husband when he was having his affair. He was always a workaholic too, so when he was spending time with his mistress it did seem very likely that he was just working even more. And he started forgetting things like anniversaries - turns out that he was simply thinking about someone else, and not us any more.

Then I read Atenco's post and thought that I wouldn't bother with my negativity as that is another equally possible reason and you shouldn't jump to conclusions just because I had that experience.

Then I looked up your previous post and thought maybe you should!

Original poster
Mycatlikesdreamies · 21/08/2015 12:43

Thankyou for your replies Cozie, Attenco, Smilingforth & Raven. Last night I took myself off in the spare room ( as per usual ) had a couple of glasses of wine, cheese & crackers that my DS prepared for me and read my book so I enjoyed my evening Smile Today he has texted me to ask me to go out with him on Saturday evening and for breakfast on Sunday . I declined saying one evening/breakfast suggested out of guilt didn't compensate for the damage done by his skewed work/home life balance. I really couldn't be bothered at the moment. I'm not angry or in a mood, I think I've gone past that. I need time to gather my thoughts. Re no strings website 8 years ago....I really don't know if that's what he's up to, I've a feeling he isn't but believe he might have done years ago. I really don't know as I've no concrete evidence....

OP posts:
redexpat · 21/08/2015 13:10

Well i think you need to establish if he did it on purpose. I think you need to ask him how he thinks it made you feel. Ask him how he feels about your response. He must take responsibility for his mistake. And then i think you need to adk him how he intends to solve this problem and to prevent it happening again in future.

If he cant think of anything then ask him how he keeps track of his appts at work. What would happen if he missed one? Are work appts more importanr than you? How does he propose to avoid a repeat? (a good answer here is a digital diary that you can access from phone and pc, and can set reminders etc)

Original poster
Mycatlikesdreamies · 21/08/2015 13:42

Thanks red you make a good point, he would never be late or miss a work appointment Angry

OP posts:
gatewalker · 21/08/2015 14:09

My response from your other thread is still the same, OP. Leave him.

Smilingforth · 21/08/2015 23:34

It's very disappointing and you've got to tell him in no uncertain terms.

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