My mother is an awful narc. She always has been and I (in contrast to my younger brother) am the classic 'over emotional', difficult child in her eyes, but lately she is getting even worse and I am finding it increasingly difficult to deal with her behaviour.
Some background. My lying cheating dad ran off and left us broke when I was 10, she raised us alone for 3 years (genuinely made a lot of sacrifices for us) before meeting my lovely step dad. Lovely step dad died when I was in my early 20s and she never really dealt with the grief. This has resulted in her turning into what I can only describe as a bitter, twisted lonely woman over the last 10 years. 
I have done everything in my power to be there when she needed it (stayed weekends with her for 3 years, ring her every day, have dinner with her twice a week). My DH also does a lot of practical things for her and she has financially helped both my brother and I out when we have needed it in the past. I have listened to her put down and say horrible things about every single family member/friend for years. We also go through cycles of arguing and 'making up' which involves me largely having to back down as she is incapable of being sorry.
I think things have reached a head lately as I had my first baby a year ago. I love dd immeasurably and I find it so hard now as I could never ever imagine treating her the way my mum treats me.
We had a massive row yesterday and I ended up telling her I didnt feel like I had had the emotional support I needed since dd was born. Her answer was that she bought stuff for us and made the dinner twice a week (see above) to help us out because we both work. I replied that I was grateful for this. I had asked her the day before if she could babysit for me one night next month (3rd time Ive asked since dd was born) and she always makes excuses why she may not be able to (which I am ok with - I realise that people arent under obligation to do it) but then feels the need to remind me she has her own life/has done her child rearing etc in such a way as to make me feel guilty for asking. She also called me a bastard because I said it was ok and I was sorry for asking. Yesterday she said she would do it and I said it was ok that I wasn't going to go out and that I was really ok with that. Then she started on me - repeated all the own life stuff etc and said 'you have a baby and I'm meant to suffer' which made me so angry I took dd and left. She rang last night and said unless I accepted that she wouldnt say something like that and that she meant she had to suffer because I was taking dd away (which is frankly crap) that she couldnt speak to me and that I couldnt be around her because it disgusts her I could think that of her. I get she doesnt want to accept that she is that person and that she knows she crossed a line and feels too guilty to accept that (I genuinely dont think she meant it, though she did say it) but I am struggling to forgive her when she wont accept responsibility for anything.
I am just tired of it all - I promised I would look after her when step dad died and I have done that the best I can but I feel like I dont have the emotional support I would have loved from my mum when I had a baby and although I let most things go I am struggling with this and grieving for the family I wish I had I hope that doesnt sound pathetic. She loves dd a lot and dd loves her and I dont want that to end - I just wish instead of buying stuff she could give me what I really need - an understanding ear when I am tired and things are hard instead of 'suck it up and get on with it'. I wish all the bad things hadnt happened to her and that she could be happy. I am so sad for her and for me and for all of us but I know she will never be emotionally available for me so I need to find a way to move past it unfortunately - Im just not sure how atm?
Sorry for the long post - I guess I just needed to get it off my chest