A man I have been involved with for the last year and a half has really messed up my head and I am trying to make sense of it all.
He repeated declared undying love, made big speeches to me about loving 'unconditionally', saying I was his 'best friend' and the only woman he had ever been 'truly lost in'.....
To be honest I was always a bit uncomfortable with the drama of all this - it always felt OTT somehow - but I was flattered as well, and swept up in it. I truly believed he meant it. And the sex was incredible.
About 6 weeks ago the declarations of love carried on but he started being odd - getting angry at me for random things - e.g. me 'seeming down' on a date - saying I'd 'ruined it with your mood' - it's true, I was a it down to do with a work thing but he had no empathy at all. He increasingly kept getting angry if he felt a date didn't 'go well' making me feel more and more under pressure every time we met, like there was some test I didn't understand that I was failing. Thinking back there have been episodes of this random anger towards me right from the start but they have become much more severe over the last 6 weeks to the point where I often haven't felt able to speak at all when with him. Increasingly every single thing I have said has been met with a verbal slap down or been totally ignored.
Then he arranged what was supposed to be a romantic trip away - all his idea. I arranged time off, was looking forward to it. I thought everything would be ok with us again.
Literally the day before he texts me saying 'the spark is gone, I will go on the trip with you if you want but I am worried it will spoil our long term friendship if I do'
I got angry and told him to just forget it and to forget the relationship because he was messing me about. I told him I didn't understand how he could go from declaring unconditional love to suddenly telling me 'the spark has gone' by text. He ignored my comments and said he needed space.
Contact between us has been a lot less since then (10 days ago) - for the last year we were constantly texting and meeting up. The thing is, in the communication we have had he stills says he 'loves' me which I find very hard to believe. He also manages to blame me for getting angry about the cancelled trip, saying I have poisoned things, or words to that effect.
I wish I could just get him out of my head. I think basically he's manipulative and a bully. Also during sex he always would encourage me to say what I wanted, but when I really plucked up the confidence to tell him, he really didn't seem to like me having sexual ideas that much after all - expressing what I wanted actually put him off I think (they weren't particularly shocking ideas) But I just wish to hell I wasn't lying awake every night at 2 am thinking about him. Please tell me how to get this dick out of my head.