My fantasy family... Am I normal?

[Imbroglio]

I've spent most of my life thinking family would be 'there for you'. I thought they would be, because that's how it is.

My mother is dying. She has dementia, so I can't talk to her and she can't talk to me. I see her four/five times a week and sit with her. In her mind she's 11 years old. She has so many relatives. She's in a care home but I'm the main point of contact. I look after everything. I get no phone calls or letters or emails from her extensive family. They all communicate with each other, but miss me out.

I found out the other day that an aunt came 400 miles to see my mum (at my request) a couple of months ago, but didn't tell me the actual dates she was coming and couldn't make it the extra 1/4 mile to see me. Now I find out that she is the 'authority' on how mum is. According to her, my mum is constantly falling out of bed in her care home (she isn't - I'm there most days - I get on really well with the staff there - I would know). Another relative flew over from the States but I only found out later. Apparently the itinerary didn't allow for time to see me.

I don't know why I'm posting this.

That must be really annoying. How are you hearing these things?

I'm really sorry about your mum. You must feel you've lost her already, but of course you still have to care for her.

Try not to let those stupid people get on your nerves too much. Picture yourself telling your mum about it and laughing about it.

I know because although I get no response to my email updates I do occasionally get 'told' stuff in passing when I make phone calls.

I have almost no email addresses, FB/Twitter details or phone numbers so I'm left with writing letters to the people in my mum's rather out of date address book.

The thing is that they think they've done their duty by seeing their relative, who is beyond getting more than a little comfort from the visit. It's only if I make a fuss that I get noticed at all.

She's fine.

I'm grieving.My children are grieving.

If the relatives were kids I would be fine about it but these are all people who have experienced loss. My mums friend are all wonderful - they call me, they write to me, they email me. They understand.

I presume you are her next of kin, and have power of attorney? Do the nursing home staff keep you informed of who is visiting her?
I guess there's little you can do if you've got gossip-hungry drama llamas for aunts , other than laugh lightly and correct the 'messenger', and hope they gradually realise not to believe everything they hear.
It's not nice, though, especially when you're being such a support to your mum in her time of need.

Thoughts are with you. It must be s very difficult time.

Thank you.

I feel sad because it should be a time when family come together and help each other. Instead I feel lonely and depressed. I'm surrounded by her 'things' which I don't feel entitled to throw away or give away (though I have done a lot of both - it just feels 'wrong' iyswim).

The home will tell me who has visited if I ask them but I would have to ask.

I talked to another of her siblings the other day who said there wasn't any point in them coming to see my mum because he wouldn't recognise him. So I told him there would be a point - it would be a comfort to me, and my family, who are struggling with this on our own!

Is this other people's experience, too?