AIBU about moving house?

[CerseiLannistersEyebrow]

Although cos it's in this forum please don't give me the AIBU harshness.

I have a 5 month old DS and a DH I've been married to for 3 yrs. Last year we had to move very quickly and as a result moved into not the best place. The flat is lovely but I have a commute that is more than 3 hours a day. It's a very unpleasant commute too that makes me stressed and exhausted.

As a result of this commute I will never be at home to put DS to bed. I can do compressed hours so I have an extra day but that means I will never ever be at home for his bedtime. I'm back to work in October.

My DH agreed my commute was awful and we were looking for other places. We found one, a lovely one, that would have given me an extra 45 minutes each way a day and meant I could do compressed hours and be home for bedtime.

We accepted but then my DH went mad about moving. He hates it, finds it very traumatic (divorce as a child issues) and had a very visceral and upsetting reaction which meant I got in touch with the landlord and retracted our offer. It is now too late, and we won't find somewhere like that again (accepted cats, kids and partial benefits)

Am I being unreasonable to be eaten up with resentment at him over this? I need to get over it and accept we're stuck here (an area I hate, but where my DH is originally from so he doesn't). I am really never going to see my DS in the week. I am finding it hard to enjoy the time I have with him now because I am so preoccupied with this. I am the breadwinner and DH is a SAHD so no choice but to work full time.

Thanks! I'm still gutted about this place. It was within our very modest budget and it had a SUMMERHOUSE ffs.

It would be worth picking up (or subscribing to) the local papers for all the cities/towns which would be a suitable commute distance for you, on whichever day they do their property listings. You'll often find private landlords advertising on there, and those don't appear on Rightmove, etc. Gumtree can also be useful. Private landlords IME are much more understanding about cats, too - I always offer to pay an extra damage deposit, or agree to have the place professionally cleaned when I go.

It also gives you a chance to have more of a chat and present yourself as a responsible, professional type, so when you say "I get a housing benefit top up by the way, as my H stays at home with our son" they don't automatically go "Housing benefit - klaxon! Red alert!"

As well as the papers and Rightmove etc, ring the estate agents in those local areas and ask to be notified of anything matching your criteria. The area I'm in now, housing is so in demand that 50% of rentals never make it onto the website as they're snapped up so quickly. (This may not be the case for your area, but worth bearing in mind.)

We used gumtree to find this place, I was surprised we got it actually, there were queues out the door to see it.

quiet weep

Oh well, he feels so guilty he's gone to get me chips.

Good plan and very mature of your DH but make sure he follows through.