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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

F*cking DH

34 replies

FrivolentDemon · 25/11/2006 18:18

Yes, he does more than some, but in other areas he's a f*ckin waste of space

Exhausted attempting to fix DS's sleep pattern, ended up up til 4am because I got worked up so couldn't sleep... then slept til 12 (so a plus, a husband who is fine with that). I then had to go out with my mum to help her buy presents for the DC.

Got back a while ago - he had fed them lunch (a bonus), but DS is still in his pjs, DD is naked. He never bothers to dress them unless I hand him clothes.

Just asked when DS was last changed because he was wriggling weird, and he announced not since this morning - he thought I had before I went out. Poor little thing was sore - it turns out he didn't bother changing his night nappy for about an hour after he got up either.

FFS is it really that much to ask to be able to leave the children with him for a day without having to text to remind him to feed them, clean them and change them???

Just once I'd like to get up and find them dressed

Sorry - I know it could be worse, just feeling like I am the only one doing actual parenting - he just babysits (badly)

OP posts:

Flamesparrow · 26/11/2006 10:08

Turns out sex means never having to say you're sorry

All is fine. I got home a tad upset, and he seemed to have forgotten it all and had just gone to bed early

fifi26 · 26/11/2006 10:09

He just sounds like a typical man to me.

Dp is exactly the same, but I know he loves both me and dd to bits. He also works really hard, he's just useless around the house.

Morgan · 26/11/2006 10:28

Flame - am with you here. I had to leave both ds and dd with dh on friday as was helping all day at ds's school fair - i had about a billion phone calls until i had one about ds not wanting to eat the black bits on his sausages (dh had already tried tro feed ds raw potaoes - don't ask)at which point i said i haven't got time for this and hung up!! He did do quite well really but what was i supposed to do while sticking raffle tickets on 800 tombola prizes??

Rocklover · 26/11/2006 23:08

I have read this thread and I find it quite sad that we all have such low expectations of men. E.g "In fairness, at least he is trying", sorry this is not enough in this day and age (maybe in the 50s). Why shouldn't we expect men to be able to cook a child's meal, change their nappies and get them dressed? They expect us to be able to do all this and more besides, what excuse have they got that they can't do this stuff (after all this is just basic care)? Isn't this the era of equality?

To be honest my husband was like this, now we are separated and he has moved out, he has suddenly discovered that he can iron, cook, get DD dressed, brush her teeth (always told me he could never do this as it was too hard!) and generally do pretty much everything he couldn't (wouldn't) do when we were togther. Wonder why that happened? (and no I am not a control freak).

This is my opinion, I offer no advice, just take what you will from it.

Flamesparrow · 27/11/2006 08:13

I am torn with that opinion RL - On the one hand, I am doing this job day in, day out - it is second nature to me, so it is understandable that he has to think about it more than I do - but the not thinking about it is the main issue - sort of like if he tried, and got it wrong, then its one thing, but just not trying is another.

I look at friend's husbands and DH seems to be in the middle - Psychomum's DH is a star, and is a fully functioning parent but she has been in and out of hospital with children since their second was born, so he has done the day in day out bit and learnt that way iyswim, other friends have husbands who never change nappies or cook dinner.

He can do them - I went to London a month or so ago, and he had the full 24 hrs without me - came home, they were clean, dressed, fed, and had even been to the park.

We talked more about Saturday - he thought I had changed DS before I went out (he could remember a conv about nappies), whereas I would have checked, he didn't think to. The morning nappy - he had been sorting DD with breakfast etc for most of that hour, and pointed out that DS had been changed in the middle of the night and he isn't usually (which I had forgotten), so he was actually in the nappy for less time than normal. Dinner "You said to feed them pie" - yes, I did, and he always takes me literally, if I had said "feed them dinner" he would have done a full meal it turns out

I think with us it is a slow process of just learning how his brain works!!!

Rocklover · 27/11/2006 10:18

I didn't mean to sound harsh, just a rant about men in general. I felt very hurt that my husband didn't think he had to lift a finger because I didn't work. I never expected him to do the housework, but wanted him to be a parent along with me and that didn't happen. I am glad to say he is trying a bit more now, but past issues mean it is very unlikely we will ever get back together.

It sounds as though you and DH have a good relationship, so his lack of thinking can probably be overcome. I just feel that some men get away with an awful lot, just because of their sex and it isn't right.

mustrunmore · 27/11/2006 10:21

"you said feed them pie" Oh, Flame's pirateyman!

snowleopard · 27/11/2006 10:34

Post-it notes! I stick them up everywhere - "Change nappy when he gets up!" ""Had calpol at 5pm, cannot have more calpol at bedtime" "Dinner is fish (in foil packet on top of eggs), cucumber and banana, don't forget drink" etc etc etc. But I realise this means I have given in to the fact that DP won't remember everything himself. He does try, but he's not used to the routine and it doesn't all come as second nature, any more than it would if I was doing his main job for a few hours...

Rocklover · 27/11/2006 15:20

I do like the analogy SL, but it is not as simple as that. No we could expect our partners to do our "career" work and could not be expected to do theirs as we have not been trained for it, however, as far as I remember my husband became a father at around the same time I became a mother, so we should have been learning together.

In my case if I had been working FT I can pretty much guarantee I would still be doing all the chores at home, as husband considered his teaching job far harder than any other job on the planet and therefore couldn't be expected to do much on a weekend/week night as he was "too tired". This was the same pre baby, I probably should have nipped it in the bud then.

I can only hope that he has learned his lesson by the time he meets another partner.

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