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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

A year ago today I suspected my husband was being unfaithful to me

11 replies

iwashappy · 18/08/2015 23:42

Despite the title I'm hoping this will be a positive post.

I've posted on here about finding a text from my husband to our neighbour which gave me the impression that they might be having an affair.

It's a year today since I saw that text. Shocked and devastated didn't even begin to cover it. I thought I had a happy marriage to a lovely man and he had never given me any reason to doubt him. I spent ages trying to convince myself that he couldn't be having an affair and that it was just banter.

To my devastation my worst fears were proved correct. I also found out that he had lied to me throughout our whole relationship and he had cheated on me for most of our marriage with a string of women.

I ended my marriage last December and I was in bits. All those people on here who told me that things would get better I didn't believe them. I didn't think I would ever feel anything but sadness and hurt. But you know they were right.

I am still hurting, it is still hard and I am genuinely distraught that I will soon be divorced. But I do laugh, I do smile and I do look forward to some things. My life isn't as bad as I thought it would be and I am happy that I am no longer sharing my life with a lying cheat. I am worth more than that.

So to anyone reading who is in the early stages of a similar situation I promise you it will get better even though it feels like it never will. I never thought I would end up in the situation I did but I am still here and slowly piecing my life together again.

I don't know where I would be without all the help, support and advice I have had on here and I have got to know some of the most kindest, thoughtful and fantastic people through this site many of whom have gone through this heartbreak.

Thank you so much to everyone for all of their support and insight which has been a huge part of me getting to where I am now.

OP posts:
daisydalrymple · 18/08/2015 23:47

That's a really positive message to read, and I wish you well. You sound like you deserve some true happiness now x

Bimblepops · 18/08/2015 23:53
Flowers
DayToDayShit · 18/08/2015 23:56

Well done to you for moving on with your life and not putting up with an arse x

Awholelottanosy · 19/08/2015 00:02

iwas I've been following your posts from the beginning. You've been through so much and come such a long way! I've always been struck by your dignity, grace and willingness to listen even when you didn't want to hear what people were saying to you about your husband. I'm so glad to hear you are feeling stronger a year on from this awful discovery. I wish only good things for you in the future and hope you find the happiness you so richly deserve. The only thing I still want to say to you is CHANGE YOUR BLOODY USER NAME!!! To something like, iamastrongpowerfullwoman. ( or something along those lines...) x

despicableshe · 19/08/2015 01:27

I remember your thread too. Glad to hear that things are moving in a better direction for you :)

Startingover231 · 19/08/2015 21:22

iwas I remember your posts vividly because I was going through something similar around the same time. I didn't feel strong enough to comment on your posts but I drew a great deal of strength from all the advice you received! as well as of course all the great support and advice I received from mumsnet! As you say at the time it isn't always what you want ot hear but eventually you come to realise people are generally right.
I surprised a friend yesterday by commenting that I hoped to be divorced by Christmas and her reply....... can you ever have imagined yourself saying that this time last year!
It is true, time really is a great healer and although I didn't believe it at the time, it has proved to be true! In the last year, I have cried bucket loads, laughed more than I ever thought I would again! discovered who my real true friends were! and amazingly found love again! So I echo your comment to anyone going through this now, there really is light at the end of the tunnel! Here's to both our futures! (flowers)

Startingover231 · 19/08/2015 21:23

Flowers wrong brackets lol

Smilingforth · 19/08/2015 22:51
Flowers
IHateEamonnHolmes · 20/08/2015 11:18

Good for you iwas x

WallyBantersJunkBox · 20/08/2015 21:32

Another 1 year survivor here!

Well done on being so strong.

There is nothing quite like the peace of mind in knowing that you don't have to outthink or catch out a cheater or live with that angst and loss of self belief.

WineThanks

Smilingforth · 20/08/2015 22:57

It's a great post from a brave woman

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