Grandparents having favourites?

[Lottiesmama312]

We made an unplanned visit to see my PIL last week to collect something, they were due to visit my BIL, SIL and their 2 DD's whom my PIL see as much as they see us. On the kitchen table were two bags from an expensive children's shop full of clothes and toys prettily labelled with my SIL and BIL DD's names.
These were gifts from my PIL recent holidays. We saw them earlier in the week and my DS was given no such gift from their travels.

My PIL have often bought girls things and not my DS and appear to favour the girls over my DS though various other comments but I have tried not to let it bother me before last week. That's just the way things are and I was fine with that. But it's becoming more frequent. As another example my PIL gave my DS was a book a few weeks ago which was very kind - except we were told by them it was a gift bought for the girls that they already had so my DS could have it instead.

I don't believe my DS is entitled to any gifts, however I can't help but feel a little upset that the other GC are treated more favourably at times and I don't want my DS to start to notice as he gets older.

It's not to do with money as if anything my BIL and SIL are more well off than us.

does "favourite grandchild syndrome" exist? If so how do others deal with it? Am I overthinking this!?

Are these your dh's sister's children? If so, I have heard that the relationship is closer between maternal grandparents than paternal ones.

They sound awful to favour one set of gc over another. Vile.

Yes it's fairly common. My maternal grandparents always favoured my older sister over myself and younger sister, my Gran especially. She worships the ground she walks on, but was always rotten to me as a child. Don't get me wrong she is generous with gifts but big sis always gets more: money for holidays and wedding despite being the highest earner. Similarly her 2dds get more than my ds. Doesn't bother me much now as gran can be vile, makes my mothers life hell, her lack of attention means I don't need to speak to her that much. Rant over.

Feel for you OP, they sound ostensibly vile, only giving one set of grandchildren presents??? Is BIL or SIL the favourite child perhaps?

It happens in this family. Sister is the favourite DC and her daughter is the favourite GC and my DC know it. I was always conscious never to say anything in front of my DC but they worked that one out for themselves at quite a young age.

On top of that in the pecking order my DS is bottom

Maybe your mil likes buying pretty things for girls and there isn't any more to it? Lots of grannies like spending money on girly things. I know that is sexist and outdated but that might just be why your mil does it? Are there any other indications of favouritism?

Miserable pair. Fancy leaving the gifts out on full display. Tbh I think I would have said something in that instance.

You are right about your ds noticing. Maybe mention quietly that you'd prefer no gifts at all if they otherwise leave him out. Sounds unlikely but maybe they honestly haven't realised they are doing it?

My only caveat to all of this is that I have dropped presents for a particularly ungrateful branch of my family who never, ever even acknowledged gifts less still said thank you.

This is sad. I'd probably get DH to mention it.

It definitely exists. I'm my maternal grandparent's favourite, along with my older brother and a young granddaughter they have. The reason is that we spend more time with them. We visit. Do food shopping when they're ill. A few weeks back, my granddad had to return back home to his country at 12 hour's notice for a family funeral. My brother drove him to the ferry port and I picked him up. No questions asked, of course we'll be there for them. There are other grandchildren who don't even bother to call them on their birthdays.

But we're adults. We make a choice to do that. Your poor DS doesn't have control of that. Sounds awful.

Shitty parents make for shitty grandparents.

Was the sister favoured above your H growing up?

Yes, sadly it happens. The child/ren of the favourite child become the favourite grandchild/ren. (I don't think the daughter's children are automatically the ones who are favoured, in our family it's youngest DB and his children). There's not too much you can do, tho you could maybe invite them over to your place more, where they can spend time with your DS without the favourite ones being around. Hopefully, they'll talk about the favourites less at your place too. If they don't seem interested in developing a relationship with your DS you may have to withdraw a bit from them and spend more time with other people (aunties/uncles/godparents?) who really treasure your DS as he deserves.

Also the case in my family - the children of the daughter that needed all the help are the favourites.

Unfortunately the GPs think that my dc want to know all about what their cousins are doing and couldn't go a day without ringing my sister when they stayed (rarely).

My dad favours my DD over my DS and I cannot stand it. If it continues I will say something by the time DS is old enough to notice, and if it doesn't stop I will be limiting contact. It's not on.

i feel for you .my pil s have 3 sons .the eldest son and my hubby the middle .commited the crime of having son,s them 1 us 3 ..but the youngest son had 3 daughters so he is the golden child .they have been awfull to my children over the years .they now dont visit there grandparents anymore let me think why .yes it hurts but if they cannot see it then no talking will make it better .i would rise above it and dont go to there level by mentioning it ..horrid folk ,

We've just had a show down with the Pil. They have blatantly favoured Ds1 over DS2 to the extent both DS have picked up on it. DS1 'smarms up' to them (not his fault) as he knows he can do no wrong, while DS2 says 'they never speak to me'. Final straw was them priming DS1 behind our backs to taking him away on a foreign holiday before ever broaching it with us. When asked what about DS2, the response was 'he wouldn't enjoy it'. An email was sent pointing all this out and how it was not good for sibling relationship. We haven't heard back!

Fil clearly favours bils son over our dds. He has admitted to dm his favouritism, although he tries not to show it and mil would be in charge of gifts and is scrupulously fair. I think it is partly to do with bil being favoured over DH and dn is younger and an only so easier than our 3. I also think it has to do with fil and I not having the best relationship - nothing awful just very different attitudes.
It is hurtful but you can't help how you feel or who you gel with.

MIL openly admits that the first born GC will always be the most special. The DCs of her favourite daughter are definitely her favourite GCs (the eldest GC is one of these). I'm quite happy for DS to be down the pecking order, to be honest, because MIL buys those 2 endless amounts of tat, and I'd rather DS not get sucked into that.

Mine appear unusual as they treat them all the same!