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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My mum needs my help to leave

10 replies

milkmilklemonade12 · 18/08/2015 16:39

I don't want to put too many details on here for fear of outing. My mum is ready to leave my (quite controlling) Dad. It's got worse for her since I left home, and she's decided she cannot cope with it any longer.

Like I say, I don't want to put huge amounts of detail on here in case it outs me, or it somehow got to him. My mum isn't at risk of violence, but my dad is controlling with who she sees and when (think family), finances, and has a habit of wearing her down until she just is weary of it all and just submits to doing it his way.

I'm helping her and she's coming to me for space.

I just need a space to vent, and to ask questions of a practical nature so I can support her in the best way I can.

This is crazy, but I'm proud of her for realising her life isn't over and she has so much left to do.

We are communicating only when she is alone and I've advised her to wipe her messages and call lists from me every day. I don't think he'll be stupid; because everything is joint. But I've advised her to take copies of everything for proof it exists, and to gather her personal documents.

Is there anything else? Practical/emotional considerations? Thank you in advance.

OP posts:
Lucy90 · 18/08/2015 16:48

Keep an emergency pack (maybe at your house?) -spare clothes, cash, passport driving license etc. if she has a car leave a set of keys at your house

hellsbellsmelons · 18/08/2015 16:56

What a brave woman she is and what a wonderful DD you are for helping and supporting her through this.
She can contact Womens Aid and get some advice from them on what she might need etc....
A chat with CAB to see where she stands with benefits when she does leave. Is she entitled to housing benefit etc...?
Also a free half hour with a solicitor to see what she would get regarding assets, pensions, savings etc....
I wish you both well and I hope she can have a nice free life very soon.

camperdine · 18/08/2015 16:57

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camperdine · 18/08/2015 16:59

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milkmilklemonade12 · 18/08/2015 17:19

Thank you all so much. Flowers

OP posts:
camperdine · 18/08/2015 17:37

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camperdine · 18/08/2015 17:38

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milkmilklemonade12 · 19/08/2015 09:39

On the emotional side of things, how can I best support her? It will be nice to spend some quality time together for the first time in years, so perhaps something based around that?

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 19/08/2015 11:05

I think you just need to be there for her.
Listen when she wants to talk.
Hug her when she wants a good cry.
Leave her alone if she asks for some space.
But definitely try to plan things to do together.
Get her out and about as much as you can so she doesn't have time to think and dwell on things.

milkmilklemonade12 · 19/08/2015 11:19

Agreed. I've booked her in with a private counsellor after the weekend so she's got someone impartial to speak to; as I'm afraid I might be a bit biased and I want her to feel she's got help available and a space to talk about things she feels she can't with me.

Definitely going to book in some girl time with nails and lunch and stuff, good idea.

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