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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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please help? my husband hates me for having our 3rd child without his consent

33 replies

leannebc · 18/08/2015 14:30

Hello.
I'm at a very low point. My husband made me have an abortion last year even though I didn't want to go through with it. He brainwashed me into thinking we couldn't afford it and that my other two children would hate me for it. He also said he would leave if I didn't go through with it.
I went through with it begrudgingly.
My husband wouldn't get a vasectomy so we use contraception - at the beginning of the year I fell pregnant again as the contraception failed, this was also unplanned.
I have told him I can't go through with another termination as the last one nearly destroyed me.
My husband has gone mad - he's like another person. He's aggressive and argumentative. He's made me move into a spare room on a blow up mattress even though I'm now heavily pregnant. He's been lying to friends and family that I have done this to trap him into staying with him. He's changed into somebody who I'm now scared of. I hear him telling our other two children that all the arguing is because of me and they're starting to turn on me because I'm having an unwanted child in their eyes. He's telling people he's depressed and suicidal to get sympathy. He's not turned up to any counseling I have organized. He's got a Jekyll and Hyde personality. He's fallen out with 75% of his friends and family who all see him for the evil manipulative man he is.
I'm now at the lowest point in my life. We have a four bedroom house - two cars and two lovely children and live in a nice area. I'm now contemplating all sorts of horrible things.
My baby boy is due any time now.
Deep down I still want us to be a family and try and put his behavior over the past year behind me. Should I feel this way or do I need to get away from this shallow horrible person?

OP posts:
seaoflove · 18/08/2015 18:25

He sounds dangerous. Are you worried that he's going to hurt this baby when he's born?

EachandEveryone · 18/08/2015 18:29

You must tell your midwives/health visitor they can get you specialist help.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 18/08/2015 18:35

I want to come over and take you with me. You need a plan. A plan will make you feel in control, get you stuff together all the legal stuff, then start thinks about what you and the kids need, squirrel it away, then a few more, ask friends, relatives for a spare bed sofa ... and go. Please.

MoriartyIsMyAngel · 18/08/2015 18:54

He's fallen out with 75% of his friends and family who all see him for the evil manipulative man he is.

Could any of them help you?

youarekiddingme · 18/08/2015 19:02

You do need to leave. I hate to point it out but if he's treating you this way because he believe you got pregnant on purpose how's he going to treat the baby once it's born?

I'm glad your friends and family see him for what he is. That's got to be beneficial to you.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 18/08/2015 19:03

You need to get out of this situation with your kids, as other posters have said he sounds dangerous. Who is your real life support, friends or family? If you ask him to leave would he?

I am so very sorry you are going through this, it's horrible when you realise the person you are married to is a nasty, abusive asshole.

Pepperpot99 · 18/08/2015 19:06

He is an abusive c**t and I would bin him off as soon as you can. Sorry you have to endure this but you can see that you will all me immeasurably better off without him.

MatildaTheCat · 18/08/2015 19:31

OP, as a midwife I very strongly urge you to confide in the midwives and ask them for help. Your husband is abusing you but also your dc in poisoning their minds with lies about their mother. This is emotional abuse.

Please get help and get out. Their is help out there if you reach out. Would daily and friends help you? It sounds as if he has already shown his colours to a OT of people who won't be at all surprised you have had enough.

Lastly, reclaim your bed! Stand up to this appalling bully and sleep in your own bed fart and snore all night and he might go away, far, far away. Flowers

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