Interfering Moms?

[CuriousJoe]

Can anyone help....

Im a good looking, sociable, fun loving 26 year old and have met a girl who I have know for around 3 weeks and I think im in love.

The problem is though is my mom is very interfering and has an opinion about everything, my love life including.

She seems to think no one is good enough for me but I want to have some fun and explore the world and what its offering so Im not sure what to do.

The trouble is this girl isnt really from the same background and upbringing as me so I think my mom has a problem with this mainly.

I'm a Mum. I agree with your Mom by thinking my sons are far better than any girl created on earth.
But both my lads put me firmly in my place if they think I am overstepping any boundaries. So I keep my delusions mainly to myself and the cat.
If you think your Mom is interfering, tell her firmly (but lovingly) to back off and let you find out about love for yourself.
Good luck!

Tell your mum you appreciate and love here very much but that her behaviour is getting to the stage where you don't feel you can talk to her anymore and you don't want it to get to that stage.

You're 26 years old and in love after 3 weeks..? Rightho...

What's the issue? Is she interfering to the point of messing things up? Do you still live at home? How has she even met this girl you've known 3 weeks?

Thanks for the replies/advice

What can I say - I fall quickly... not a bad thing?!

Well she's met once and the girl was a little worse for wear after a heavy night out so probably not the best way to meet. I do live at home, the girl has her own job, car and mortgage so that's why I'm more annoyed, what am I suppose to do... stressed!

Why are you still living at home at 26?

Parental inquisitions about your love life are why it's a good idea to move out...

PS If she's old enough to have a mortgage, she's not a "girl". She's a woman.

What can I say - I fall quickly... not a bad thing?!

Yes, it is a bad thing. At three weeks, you barely know this woman, you can't be in love with her. You can fancy the pants off her, sure! But if you really think you love someone after 3 weeks, you're probably not ready to be in a serious relationship.

(Unless you've been good friends for years before or something...)

Make a start by cutting the apron strings and getting your own place.

When you have demonstrated to your mum that you are perfectly capable of looking after yourself and keeping your home in good order, she may begin to see you as a mature man instead of a hormone fuelled teenager who falls in and out of love at the drop of a thong hat.

Well, you still live at home with your mum so you can't be too surprised if she isn't instantly impressed with someone strange in her home who's a hungover wreck, no matter how lovely she is..

There's a very simple answer to your plight, which is: move out.

Once you, like your gf, have a job/house of your own, then your mother can't interfere.

Actually, declarations of love at 3 weeks are a tad fast. I have to say I'd be creeped out by that, but I guess everyone's different...

Anyway, move out. You're 26, not 16.

In this day of hard to get mortgages and high rents, lots of people live with their parents well into adulthood.
I really don't think it helps the op by asking him to justify why he still lives with his Mom. He wants to know how best to manage his living arrangements.

Shouldn't have said I lived at home still lol

I know its not great and Im in the process of sorting that out, finances etc for a single guy to move out in this economic climate are not great but im working on it.....

I might move in with her; it has been mentioned and this might solve the problem. Least I can see how that goes.

Think ill speak to my mom tonight properly about everything and see what happens.

The state of the housing market right now is indeed utter shite. Very difficult to get a mortgage on your own, or rent a decent place alone, I agree.

However, I, and I suspect a lot of others, managed to rent a flat share which was affordable precisely SO we could have our own space/lives/shag whomever we pleased and be independent. I managed it for years as an utterly skint (well below minimum wage) postgrad so it's definitely possible.

If you want the benefits of living with your mum, then you play by her rules. If you want independence, move out, buy charity shop clothes, live frugally and save up.

I clearly have my 'harsh' pants on today... I blame the heat + late pregnancy combination (over 35 degrees here...short of fuse) :)

Ill let you off with the harsh pants :)

Im not being stuck up or anything but I like my fashion so we will leave that one lol

I am in a position to just about to move out to hopefully this will help change things and improve all my relationships whether its my mom or potential suitors

I appreciate the comments

"What can I say - I fall quickly... not a bad thing?!"
Yes, a very bad thing. You fall in quickly, you fall out quickly. In the interim you will have made promises to your current paramour that you will not be keeping. Sorry to be so harsh, but this is not a sign of romanticism, it is a sign of shallowness. Sorry.

"I might move in with her; it has been mentioned and this might solve the problem. Least I can see how that goes."
Don't.

I might move in with her; it has been mentioned and this might solve the problem. Least I can see how that goes

You've known her 3 weeks

Take your time over everything except moving out!

If she lets someone she's known three weeks move in with her, she's insane. Swift declarations of undying love should be a massive red flag to anyone.

See it from her point of view : "hey, I'm a good looking guy, love fashion. I still live with my mum but she's a bit of a harridan. By the way I'm totally in love with you, let's move in" .....

.... run, unknown girlfriend! Run for the hills!

In my experience, men who move straight from their mothers place to a girlfriend are a nightmare - entitled manchildren who expect washing/cooking/cleaning to magically happen for them. Do you pull your weight at home, op? Do you do half the cooking, cleaning, laundry and day to day running of the house? If not, why not?

Get your own place, don't cocklodge at hers. Learn to live independently, which will include paying your own way and cutting your cloth to suit your budget - the clothes expenditure may have to drop. You may need to flat share and you will definitely need to let some of the luxuries go.

Thanks for the replies....

Big night last night; I had a massive long in depth conversation with my mom. I have told her how I feel and plans to move on shortly. In the whole she supports that now after I unloaded it all to get it all off my chest.

In terms of the relationship with the gf - This is now over unfortunately. We had a chat then it turned a bit sour so mutually it has ended. Probably for the best now as I can concentrate on me, home-life, work and moving on with what I'm doing.......

Can you stop calling her a girl, she's a grown woman with a job, car and her own house (which is significantly more than you have!)

Next time, reign in it a lot. You knew her for five minutes and were convinced you were in love. Clearly you weren't since it was over in another five minutes and you're not bothered.
I imagine your mammy treats you like a little boy because you act like one.

I'm saying girl just as a reference - I don't call her a girl to her face as she has a name.... Its a message board so a quick reference should suffice.

I came here for some advice. I'm young and admittedly not the brightest and most mature but I'm still learning. I didn't come here to be mocked by an ageing musician did I.

I have a job and a nice car for your information so significantly more is only 33.3% more so I don't think that's too bad :)

woman only has one more letter than girl, you're not in that much of hurry.

If you're falling in and out of love within a fortnight and your main problem is your mummy, I don't know what else you could expect. I'm sure you're a perfectly nice young man but you do sound very immature.

I think you should save and read this post and read it in 5 years time. I expect you'll be embarrassed

Poor girl. She should run for the hills from you and your mum! She's independent and solvent and a crutch like you is planning on moving in with her!

In your defense, I felt as if I fell in love with my now husband within a month of meeting him. Of course now, twenty years in, that feeling has deepened immeasurably, but I have no problem with your contention that you love her. Just don't use that as an excuse to stay in the relationship if things go south! Don't lose your head over her, at least not yet!

We have four children, and I have noticed that as each one entered the teenage years, they started "training" their dad and me to treat them more like adults. They helped me, their mom, who tends to be a bit of a hoverer, to learn how to bug off, sometimes by saying " Bug off, Mom!"

i have a good sense of humor and recognize my own tendency to want to micromanage, and I have encouraged my kids to give it to me straight if something I am doing is not working for them (and vice versa). This approach might not work for your mom depending on her personality, but in my opinion you are doing her a service if you give her feedback that she is alienating you with her attitude about your girlfriend.

Otherwise she may be fracturing her relationship with you, which hopefully, as your mom, is the last thing she wants to do.