Crap and suspected crap from ex h

[keepingmum121]

After not seeing the violent, dangerous, narc ex for years and years...... he turned up at my church on Sunday and then afterwards came to my house to try to get contact with the dds.

He has been told by a judge that he has to only see them in a contact centre, but in the 12 + years we have been apart, he has done this 4 times (arriving late and leaving early).

I could go on for hours about how unreasonable, selfish, deluded, entitled he is.

Nothing he says is EVER worth the breath he uses to speak it. He changes his sweeping statements and contradicts himself constantly.

He now has one of the ministers at my church communicating with him and is trying to use him to gain contact. The minister knows the rules but he seems swayed a little by the ex's apparent distress at not seeing his dds.

The facts are: he makes no effort to see them for years and he then springs himself upon us out of the blue. Last time he saw them was 9 years ago.

Anyway, the reason I started this was to see if anyone knows if it is possible for a person to divert post illegally? I have received no post for days (and I have expected certain items). My house used to be shared when we were married but now it is in my name only. How can I find out if he has done anything?

I am worried because he is adept at fraud and knows people who do it all the time. I have, in the past, had my bank account defrauded by (I suspect) his friend.

By the way, he is Nigerian and normally lives in Nigeria. He told minister that he's been in England for a month already and from one of his comments it seems that he's been stalking us for a while before making his presence known by turning up at church.

I have informed the police and have an incident number. They have called him but he refused to let them know where he is (assume in a hotel locally) and was 'uncooperative' on the phone.

Any advice? I am scared!

The recorded delivery idea is good, though expensive for me. I actually already spoke to the postwoman on Tuesday and she agreed it was weird and told me she'd get her manager to call me. I didn't receive a call but I called RM myself later on anyway.

I can't understand what is going on. It is definitely fishy. The company whose letter I know for sure never arrived have send me a replacement last week and that has also not arrived.

Meanwhile, the ex is texting the minister (who is now being helpful about it) and banging on about seeing the girls. All he needs to do is organise a contact centre visit (he's trying to get me to organise it for him) but he's all talk and no action.

I suspect that the reason he won't go to the solicitor is because he didn't pay his bill from 2007 (when he took me to court).

It is all horrible. Every time I go out, I half wonder if this will be the day I get killed or get acid thrown at me or something. He really is a dangerous, violent narc.

Can you speak to the police about your fears? Even if they can't do anything it would be useful to flag up with them that you're concerned.

Have you spoken to Women's Aid? It can be hard to get through but do persevere.

Can you have your minister tell this other minister that there is one solution - your ex arranges a contact centre. There is no negotiation. I would also ask your minister not to tell you what he is texting to the other minister, unless it constitutes a threat, you don't need to know what lies he's peddling.

Does anyone have a key to your house? Anyone who could have been persuaded him to give him a copy. However, that wouldn't explain why still no post is arriving now.

As awful as it sounds, at this point I don't think he has a reason to escalate this to actual violence, because he can intimidate you from afar whilst keeping himself clean. Not a lot of comfort, I realise! Take things one step at a time - let's see if you get this weird post situation resolved.

I would try a couple of things. One, send something to yourself recorded. Two, an empty envelope in your name. Three, an empty envelope with a made up name on it, like John Smith. Redirects are done by name - obviously, otherwise if you move house you'd start getting all the new occupants' mail! That would start to establish the possibilities. If he's got someone on the inside at the post office all the mail will be suppressed. If there's a redirect, just yours. Did you ask the Royal Mail specifically about redirects? Because you can also do a Keepsafe.