Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do I do?! (Online Dating)

20 replies

enduphere · 17/08/2015 20:57

Hello,

I'm new, and finally registered.

I apologise now as this is a bit different with it being a same sex relationship but you guys seem to give awesome advice!

I broke up with a partner I lived with, back last year. Stayed completely away from dating until the past few months and have now met someone online, and so far we've been on six dates (yes I count!).

On paper typing it, it seems awesome, we like each other enough to keep meeting up but for me, and her, I think it's as if there's something missing. On the third date we had a tiny kiss at the end. And nothing since then. Maybe not for the want of trying, back last week we had an absolutely amazing date, and wanted to, but ended up in the car surrounded by chavs and realised it wasn't quite the right time!

It brings me to our last date, after the one prior, I was so excited! We'd had such a good time and became really close. This time though it was just strange, we did pretty much the same, cinema and food. But she got all wound up when I asked about her best male friend who is apparently in love with her (she told me this on our first date). She kept saying it was rude for me to ask, as if things that were funny then, aren't any more.

I was in the multistorey so drove her down to her car afterwards, and we had a cuddle and she got out. I drove off as usual and thought 'screw this, I'm going to kiss her'. Got to the junction for the motorway, and text her saying 'Go back, or stay in the car park' and I drove back. I was at the back of the car park, saw her car there. Saw a text come through saying 'Gone to McDonalds for my sister' and she drove off. I was gutted!

However I'm at the point now where I want to just stop dating her, but can't. It's as if I have a mental block on it, apart from that one amazing date, the others haven't stood out as special. I keep going to block and delete her number from my phone, but just can't do it. I get like this with people, seemingly attached yet know they're not right for me!

Should I just try and phase out the texting? We don't message often, maybe a few times a day due to work, but I could try and just stop replying. And not mention going out again. I really want out of this, but just have that aspect of what if...if I let her go what if it could've ended up amazingly good!

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 17/08/2015 21:04

Block and delete. She is measing you around

TheVeryHungryPreggo · 17/08/2015 21:07

When you meet Miss Right she won't see you wrong.

All this faffing about with Miss Could-Have-Been is just wasting time and you're not getting any younger.

Move on.

rumred · 17/08/2015 21:57

It's your hormones driving you on. She's probably not worth the effort I'm afraid

rumred · 17/08/2015 21:59

Oh and saying someones in love with her on the first date- that's a bag of game playing shite

enduphere · 17/08/2015 22:16

I totally understand! I think it's game playing, the saying her best friend is in love with her...she could even be in a relationship with him and to be fair I wouldn't know. I only know what she's told me.

Anyway yeah...really want to block and delete, so will try to tonight!

OP posts:
Afterthestorm · 17/08/2015 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

enduphere · 17/08/2015 22:28

Hi Afterthestorm. I'm pleased someone understands. I think to me it's kinda nice to have someone there again after all this time. We say things, and plan things together but then she goes silent for days with a couple of messages or so. Then after a date it's usually constant.

I just have no idea where I stand with her or what she wants! So for me, if it's this much trouble after a month or so, what is the actual point?!

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 17/08/2015 22:31

So for me, if it's this much trouble after a month or so, what is the actual point?!

Hit the nail on the head. Send her a text saying "this just isn't working for me, sorry, all the best" then delete her number. Don't give me "I'll try", just do it Wink

ChilliAndMint · 17/08/2015 22:44

I've just posted a very similar thread to yours. Really not worth pursuing.

enduphere · 18/08/2015 09:52

And so it continues!

I know she finishes work at 10.30pm so I rarely get messages for most of the day. I get a lovely text around midnight asking how I've been, and also saying how great I look in a picture of a ballgown I'm wearing for our annual conference at work. So it made me smile a lot! And now I'm back to wanting to reply to her, but so far I've stopped myself. I know it'll be easier come 2.30 as she'll be at work. However I'm not well, in bed feeling sorry for myself instead of at work and want sympathy and a cuddle! Very hard not to text!!

OP posts:
Smilingforth · 18/08/2015 10:19

Stop yourself!!

CalleighDoodle · 19/08/2015 20:05

Block and delete. Then have a look at tinder for a bit of banter!

Inexperiencedchick · 19/08/2015 20:25

Stop and don't go further...

I get attached very easily myself, it's not healthy...

enduphere · 19/08/2015 20:40

You'll all be pleased to know I've stopped replying!

After I had text early in the morning, I had a reply twelve hours later saying she was off camping with two male friends and saying due to our work commitments we couldn't go out really for two weeks or so.

So I didn't reply last night or all day today, I did get a message about 40 minutes ago saying 'Are you pissed because I've gone camping?' If only she knew. I'm not replying again.

OP posts:
ChilliAndMint · 19/08/2015 21:01

She sounds like many of the ( male) dates I have encountered on OLD...good for you for walking away.

You can do without this kind of shite.

enduphere · 19/08/2015 21:07

Ah ChilliAndMint, maybe I'm attracted to the unobtainable. That's my problem! But as much as I know she's a terrible texter and when we do go on a date the attention is all on me, I can't deal with the whole game playing. I honestly think it's due to the stages in our lives we are at. I'm about eight years older than her, but I'm sure she'd make a great girlfriend to someone just after fun. It's not like I wasn't honest, her profile said looking for a relationship, she even deleted her profile after the first date as she reckons she can't date more than one person at once.

But I guess actions speak much louder than words!

OP posts:
Smilingforth · 20/08/2015 12:50

Well done!Flowers

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 20/08/2015 13:01

Why can't you text her? Usually it's considered cowardly when the other person just stops replying. Just say you're not intereted anymore. You seem to be now getting kicks out of it.

Summerlovinf · 20/08/2015 13:26

If I got a text from someone I was dating saying 'Go back, or stay in the car park' I'd find that pretty weird. She probably did go to meet her sister in McDonalds...the fact that she hadn't actually left yet is not a big deal..it's normal to simplify or abbreviate in texts. You'd finished the date so why expect her to be at your beck and call to come back?

enduphere · 20/08/2015 16:41

It probably was a bit weird of me to ask her to do that, however that has no bearing on my decision to end it - nor was it a reason for me calling her a game player.

My reason to end it is based on the fact we are incompatible, the purpose of the thread was trying in part to make myself realise I don't need to talk to her anymore and not to be attached! And I did reply to her message eventually. So all is ok. We aren't speaking and I ended it in the correct way!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page