why can't he think for himself?!?!?!

[aquadoodledo]

This post is a little trivial in comparison to most others on here, but DH is driving me nuts with this.
So today I come home from work late this afternoon and our 13 month old DS is sat rubbing his eyes. "How long did he nap for?" Is my question.
"Oh, he hasn't" DH responds and it's too late for him to nap so close to bedtime. So again, we're dealing with a screaming niggling DS because DH forgot about nap time.... again.
This is just an example of the many things DH forgets to do on occasion. Sometimes he remembers things, sometimes he doesn't.
We will have long conversations about things we need to start or stop doing and DH will be fully on board... until next month when he forgets and reverts back to old ways.
It's bloody getting me down now, I've got to constantly be on top of my game, thinking and planning all the time because DH is just too lazy to plan or remember anything we've planned.
I used to be fun, now I'm so serious and organised all the time keeping everyone and everything on track. I want to be able to give my thinking a rest for once!
Grrr
Anyone relate to this or have ideas?

Ah...very hard on you. Is he sleep deprived with the baby? Is he genuining forgetful normally?

I'm not sure what more you can do but reinforce he point ad let him know in no uncertain terms that you are not happy.

Good luck

Mine is like this. I printed out the routine and a list of stuff he needs to remember if he takes the kids out (nappy bag, spare clothes etc) stuck it on the back of the front door, works a treat.

I invested in a calendar- colour coded for us all and everything goes on it! The rule is if it's written on the calendar it's set in stone, and if it's not its your own fault and won't get sorted. Funny how he's learnt to remember when golf, football practice etc is taking place, because if it's not on the calendar and I'm busy...

TeenageM that a really good idea. I know you will feel like you shouldn't have to buy if it works then it is worth it!

you should not have to print out a list. he should be perfectly capable of planning his children's needs. Is he this incompetant at work? ex managed perfectly fine at work and put together strategies for his poor memory but could not be arsed to do so at home as he had the view that children were a womens job and women magically were able to do it better... this is part of the reason he is an ex.

Well tonight he would have to deal with the fall out so to speak that is settling your baby and making sure he goes to sleep.
Don't help him as its his making he needs to experience the consequences. It might be hard for your lo but it's just this once hopefully
Then go through the list with him before you print it off and put it on the fridge, both put in your phones or wherever.
Don't let him co e downstairs and collapse first
Then make yourself something to eat and have bath and go to bed

Yeah you shouldn't have to, but life's hard enough and he's a lovely man, just a brain like a sieve and I find it helps me as well on my less "In Command" days.

Mine is like this. It used to really frustrate me but last year he was diagnosed with ADHD. So I've realised he genuinely has a lot of difficulty in remembering things and we've put a few things in place to help him remember stuff (like a huge whiteboard on the fridge).

I would start by dropping the stuff you do for him that makes his life easier from your schedule of things to remember to do. That might be doing washing, putting it away, reminding him his car needs servicing, getting back early to give him a lift somewhere, whatever. Focus on the stuff that benefits you and DS until his own focus improves.

Mine is like this. I get so resentful about hving to be the organised one!

My XH was like this. I tried everything. In the end I told him to leave - he did - just followed the instruction and left. He chose to leave his family rather than think for himself and contribute to the household, and I let him go.

If you make a list of things which have to be done (and times, if relevant) does he follow it? Can he follow it?

I just make sure I don't fix whatever went wrong by the lack of planning. My reasoning is that people need to learn the consequences of what happens when they don't fool the plan. I do things the way I do because it's easiest, even if it seems like more work. If I compensate for them, they never get to realize it for themselves.

My H was like this, I would explain things and let him know whats going on then a couple of days later he would swear blind I never told him! I would use calendars for kids and other events but he would never look/be interested. I got sick of having to manage everything and wondered what I needed him for and then I left him!!
He's wondering now why,.. FFS..men!

my dp is also quite useless like this. he never forgets naps though, because that's his downtime.

I also hate it when he fails to do something he previously promised to do. so, for example, I am in the catatonic fatigue stage of early pregnancy and last night he says, "you go to bed, I'll sort out down here." I come down in the morning after he's gone to work to find the house in a worse state than when I went to bed. grrr.

It's very hard. You do though have to have a clear firm conversation. If lists help then do it once but make sure it's clear that it is then his responsibility and call him out whenever things aren't working.

You need to read wifework and then you need to get him to read it. Honestly explains so much about relationships and why men don't 'think'. Do not start writing lists he deals with overtired baby.

I've stopped doing some things for my DH since reading that book.

Sorry but it knocks me sick reading this. My husband has genuine memory problems due to oxygen being cut off from his brain during a heart attack 9 and a half years ago and he doesnt behave like this.

Was today any better?

Good to hear I'm not the only one. I know it's something we seem to have to generally tolerate with men, but why? I just don't see why it's deemed ok for men to act so pigging lazily and leave it all to us. I'm growing very resentful!

Remember that steep learning curve you went through (we all went through) in the first year of becoming a parent?

If someone else had have been in your life, in a caring way, to take over all of the hard jobs and difficult times - would you be a better parent or worse parent as a result?

I believe a worse parent. We have to go through those hard jobs, difficult times, deal with the consequences of parenting mistakes - in order to learn how to be a better parent.

Let him learn too.

He needs to make the parenting mistakes and not be rescued from the consequences in order to learn how to be a better parent.