Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Massive crush on best friend's brother

58 replies

CaptainSwan · 16/08/2015 22:20

I'm after some advice, I've been friends with her for the last 9 years, and first met her brother the same year. He was single at the time and I remember getting the feeling he was interested in me but nothing at all ever happened- we had a giggle, bonded a bit on a night out but that was all.

Over the years I've seen him usually a couple of times a year, ever since that first time he's always had a girlfriend. When I saw him about a year ago I remember thinking how well we were getting on, and feeling aware that I shouldn't be too 'pally' as he was bringing his new girlfriend to meet the family for the first time and I didn't want to overstep the mark.

Ever since then I had seen him in quite a different way but obviously he was taken so I never did anything about it. A few months ago they split up and my friend made a joke about us getting together which I laughed off as I didn't want her to know how I felt!

We've just all spent the weekend together at a family wedding and it was fantastic! We got on amazingly, jokes and banter back and forth, sharing of interests and music tastes etc. talking about general stuff in our lives etc- it was like a totally amazing first date. I've been dating for about a year and have only been getting as far as the first date- this was the sort of thing I've been wanting to find on these dates, fun chat and just that feeling when you 'click' with someone.

However, there's just no hint that he's actually interested in me... He didn't really flirt with me, but I don't think he's that type of person, he can be quite straight laced in that way. He didn't massively go out of his way to help me out with anything, or anything like that. We hung out together quite a lot over the weekend- sometimes he'd come over to me and sometimes me to him and we danced together a lot too

I'm wondering if I'm in 'the friend zone' or maybe he sees me as a sister, he mentioned me being part of the family. We live in the same city but have never hung out separately from his sisters before. I mentioned something in a couple of months that I'll be going to, and I was trying to see if he fancied coming and doing it with me- his answer as I left today was that I need to 'persuade him' so I guess that's promising. I have a feeling he may be a bit into his housemate (she has a dp) but I don't know that for sure.

How do I play this?? I'm thinking I don't contact him at all now for at least a week or two before trying to sell him this thing, I don't want to seem too keen or needy. Tempting to hit him straight up with an 'in joke' from the weekend but maybe I need to be cooler than that. I'm so shit at playing it cool. Do I just ask him out and hope for the best? I need to get out of the friend zone if that's where I am!

OP posts:
Wishful80smontage · 26/08/2015 08:06

Just read thread sounds very promising hope all goes well please keep us to date :)

Original poster
CaptainSwan · 26/08/2015 09:54

Thanks everyone! I'm very excited, totally scared but excited too! I've been online dating for about a year and haven't met anyone I'd like to go on a second date with... So someone who I actually like already is quite different!

OP posts:
Original poster
CaptainSwan · 26/08/2015 15:45

Hes been online but not read my message... I'm trying not to read too much into that, he's on holiday abroad, etc.

I'm probably tied to my phone more than most people so perhaps my perspective is scewed, I hope! It was his first time online since about 24 hours ago (when I hadn't yet replied to him).

God I feel like a teenager, message and online notifications have a lot to answer for!!!!

OP posts:
Smilingforth · 26/08/2015 15:55

But it's exciting and that's what the start ( or potential start) of relationships are like!

LoveAGoodRummage · 26/08/2015 17:48

Ooh this does sound promising! I love living vicariously Grin

Esmeismyhero · 26/08/2015 19:05

Oooo well done op! I'm place marking please keep us updated! I love happy threads like this x

Original poster
CaptainSwan · 26/08/2015 20:12

Having major freak outs this evening, feel like it's too good to be true and maybe I've got the wrong end of the stick... Maybe he doesn't think it's a date!

I know, I know I have to just wait and see but I'm being impatient. Perhaps I'm just looking for issues, I really like him and I'd like it to go well.

He's so nice and normal and we get on so well, maybe in some way I don't feel like a deserve to be with someone like that?

I'm normally quite 'together' this is utterly utterly ridiculous. Feel free to slap me.

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 26/08/2015 20:18

Ooh sounds exciting! Grin

Original poster
CaptainSwan · 30/08/2015 22:45

I'm pretty sure he's back but no message so far... Confused

OP posts:
MairzyDoats · 30/08/2015 22:47

Ok, leave it well enough alone. Seriously even if you have to sit on your hands, the ball is in his court, DO NOT contact. And when he finally does email, you have been massively busy with your exciting busy life, OK?!

BadLad · 31/08/2015 04:07

I'm wondering if I'm in 'the friend zone

Men don't do this. Men try to make romantic intentions plain to women, believing that if they don't, then the woman will see them as a friend and never have any romantic feelings towards them. But men don't put woman into friend zones, from which it is impossible to escape.

Or at least I never had, and I don't know any men who do this.

sofato5miles · 31/08/2015 04:42

I went out with a good friend's brother for years and broke his heart. still feel bad 14 years later. Another 'brother' broke myheart. Still extremely good friends with the sisters.

Married a carbon copy of 1st brother 10 years ago.

BathshebaDarkstone · 31/08/2015 04:52

Well done, have fun! Grin

Wishful80smontage · 31/08/2015 08:42

Exactly what Mairzy said. Hold tight for now op

Lilifer · 31/08/2015 14:53

Sorry OP but i have bad vibes about this, and i think this guy likes and gets on with you, but is just Not That In To You.

Like in the film. If he's in to you he'll make the effort, he'd have made a date with you at the wedding, or rung you or mailed you the next day. Even assuming you got there first with your e mail, and assuming he is telling the truth about being on holiday, if he was up for it he'd have said "Great, what about meeting up on Sept 1st, or Sat 5th or whatever. He'd have nailed a definite date and time instead of some vague expression of being keen but leaving it open.

I'm sorry, i have to be the negative voice, but that book/film has it spot on. If a guy is in to you, he will make the effort, but in this instance he looks pretty luke warm about it to me.

or maybe i am just old and cynical. Id love to think i am wrong, but in this situation, its not what he is doing/saying that would concern me but what he's not doing and saying.

DirtyDancing · 31/08/2015 22:19

Absolutely none of us know whether he is or
Isn't into OP. Maybe he is playing it cool because of the same reason.. The sister/ friend issues.

Well done for going for it and good luck. Life really is too short. Take it slowly and you never know.. Maybe it won't go anywhere. Maybe he is THE ONE!! ;-)

flightywoman · 31/08/2015 22:43

Bollocks Lilifer. It's a film made for dramatic effect. Most real-life people don't follow the Hollywood timescale or script for how they should behave in a situation where they might fancy someone and want to do something about it. In 90 minutes.

People might not respond immediately with a "OMG Ilove you, marry me now" because they're afraid or cautious or a bit lazy or preoccupied or on holiday with dodgy wifi...or just want to see what might happen.

If he's interested you'll get a date and if he isn't you'll get a new friend with whom you have things in common and who might have a friend that he thinks you could be perfect for.

SomeonesRealName · 01/09/2015 08:10

Ooh marking my place!

Ihateigglepiggle · 01/09/2015 12:44

So impressed by your attitude - not waiting around, sending a great message.
He might be checking with his sister that she's not feeling weird about you two dating before confirming.
Hope it goes well!

Original poster
CaptainSwan · 01/09/2015 13:55

Honestly? I have a tendancy to agree with the whole 'he's just not that into you' transcript, however, life ISN'T a movie, and having had everything that I knew of relationships blown out of the water when my last relationship ended- rightly or wrongly I'm more inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I don't need him to think of me and see a future, as much as that might be nice as my ex did that, he persued me for years and put me on a pedestal. All I need is a spark of interest with the potential for more. It's easy to assume that all relationships start with these plain and obvious mutual lust and longing whereas in fact it's more common for it to take time and obstacles before anything comes of it.

I am trying not to get my hopes up now as I would have thought if he was really keen it'd be more obvious but equally I think there's still a chance it could work out- why would he reply so quickly and positively in the first place if he really didn't want to?

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 01/09/2015 14:30

Good luck! Remember -Fortune favours the brave !

Rainbowlou1 · 01/09/2015 15:06

Good luck!x

SandBetweenMyt0es · 01/09/2015 15:09

Oooo I have good vibes about this!! He is blatantly playing it cool- don't worry! He will get in touch. Whatever you do, don't message again! Keep us posted xxx

Original poster
CaptainSwan · 01/09/2015 16:10

I've got absolutely no plans to message him, despite a couple of people saying I should...!! No message will indicate no interest, and though disappointing, will ultimately be fine. If it's a case of him completely forgetting then he isn't that fussed or is so ridiculous that id probably not want to go out with him anyway!

Thanks for all the comments

OP posts:
Lilifer · 01/09/2015 19:39

Op you sound totally realistic about all this and i admire that you have made the move and I'm not criticising women making the first move at all, i did it myself many times when i was single.

The ball is firmly in his court now. I hope he responds positively, you sound like a lovely person and deserve a great guy.

If he doesn't take up the offer, then at least you know you tried right? Then at least you can chalk it up to experience and just keep him as a mate.

Swipe left for the next trending thread