I've been friends with Sarah since we were at school - we're now 36. We both grew up with domestic violence. She went into an abusive relationship at 15 he left her for someone else when she was 23. Her mum died when we were 19. She became estranged from her dad & brother 3 years ago. She's like a part of my family - my mum treats her as one of her own as we all do - my children call her auntie etc.
She has always craved a family of her own - has talked about getting married & having a baby since she was 15.
The relationships she has had since have lasted about a year. She gives her all completely - does everything for them immerses herself completely in their lives. Talks about marriage etc.
She met the guy she is with 18 months ago. They very quickly (within 6 months of meeting) brought a house together & moved to a village only 40 mins away from me but 2.5 hours away from his family and friends. He showed her his nans engagement ring which he said would be hers in the near future but he "wants to propose properly" - that was a year ago.
She has recently been diagnosed with a chronic hip and knee problem so has given up work and been put on disability benefits. She has come off the pill so that they can try for a baby.
She has told me that he is becoming increasingly aggressive - shouting swearing, breaking things, punching walls. She has been sleeping on the sofa the past week.
From past experience I know that I can't just say "leave him" & she'll skip out of the door. So I have focused on trying to get her self back. She is entitled to a disability car (she sold her car when she stopped working) but she wants to give the money to her bf so he can upgrade his car! I've said she needs a car - for the sake of her physical health. I've suggested that she could try volunteering a couple of mornings a week (to get her out of the house) but she has said she can't because of her hip.
I've said she needs to try talking to him to work out what's going on.
I've tried focusing on the need for a car (I can go with her etc) & that she needs to talk to him (have some bullet points written down).
She won't do either! Instead she is sleeping on the sofa, joined a dating site & just messages me all the things he is doing wrong.
Help!!