365 days today for me op!
After forgiving and forgiving and forgiving the most sociopathic, narcissistic and gaslighting behaviour for 10 years, never mind bankrolling the twat, his final hissy fit last year was enough.
It was a drama filled walk out, made to make me beg him to stay. I calmly put my hand out for the key, after watching him pack three large bags (with much stomping about upstairs while out son was sleeping after his first day back at school) told him if he walked now he wasn't coming back and quietly locked the door behind him.
There is a change curve following anything like this...give yourself time to move through each phase. Speak to a counsellor if you can, speak to your doctor if you need to. I'm not advocating this but my doctor prescribed sleeping pills for a month as I was pacing the floor at night worrying.
I leant on friends like I never have, I told them things that I never did, they helped me no end. I took the help.
At the same time period I lost my job, my health and ended up single in another country where I didn't speak the language.
I made it op. There is still stuff to iron out, still a divorce to finalise and money to organise. But, I'm there. I have lost a shit load of angst, mistrust, and sadness.
Make lists of the things that need to be sorted to finalise this relationship - bills, bank accounts etc. get them sorted and don't dwindle. It really helps to cut out those things (even a joint statement or letter in his name would bring out the anger or sadness in me)
Write a list of the shit things he did and read it when you wobble.
Fill your time, increase your social activities, get out of the house, walk to clear your head, exercise the anger out, howl like a moose, scream like a banshee, cry into a pillow.
Think about your positive abilities and assets and push them. I lost 15 kilos, I wear the things I like to wear, I wear makeup, make myself look good and feel good. I changed things in the house to the way I wanted, I enjoyed friends company without him overshadowing me, I enjoyed being the centre of attention at dinner, my jokes not his, my interests not his...
When I had to have nights in alone I preplanned - bought some treats, new nail varnish for my toes, nice snacks and a film I wanted to watch. Arranged a Skype with friends overseas and put the world to rights.
You can do this, be kind to yourself. I wish you all the best in the world op. 