Feeling crap

[Bubblebath01]

Brief précis: 27 year relationship, unmarried, 2 teenage children. 7 weeks ago discovered affair. He has moved out, love of his life, he is nearly 52, she is 21, she married at 19, dysfunctional home, etc.

Yes, I know, you know it's not going to work, but...

Because we are unmarried, even after all this time, he says his only obligation is to children, legally it is. But it is really crap.

He has said he will allocate half his pensions, but can I do anything to enforce this? I asked for it to be transferred into a fund in my name and he refused.

The house is in joint names and mortgage free. He is also being very vague on maintenance. I don't want to rock the boat on the pensions, in case he gets shitty over maintenance.

Anyone else been in a similar position?

he is nearly 52, she is 21

Gross and cliched. Dear me. Make sure you've got your heart armour on for when it falls apart and he tries to come crawling back.

He has said he will allocate half his pensions, but can I do anything to enforce this?

As I understand it, no. And I would put very little faith in the idea that he would ever do so. He's got, what, 15 years til retirement? It ain't gonna happen. If it was going to, he'd have already moved it into your name as you requested.

So I would go balls out for the maintenance because that's NOW and pension is 15 years away at least even if he let you have a sniff (which he won't.)

Do you work? Could you re-mortgage to buy him out of his half of the house?

See a solicitor, too. If you have residence of the children it's possible you might be awarded more than half of the house.

I work part time, and am about to start a nursing course, so will have zero income for the duration of the course. He earns really decent money, but I can see he means us to go on benefits and pay the minimum.

I need to see a solicitor, but I am afraid it will aggrevate him. The house is mortgage free, its an interesting point about residency, he is refusing to acknowledge any maintenance that needs doing.

Yes it is gross, I have friends with daughters the same age, and she is only 3 years older than my son....