I spent years looking on these boards, randomly posting (different username) about my dysfunctional relationship.
No violence, no bullying, no real reason to ever leave - just two people who should never have really got together, much less started a family together. Two people who grew apart and ended up disliking eachother and deeply unhappy with the situation.
Years of counselling, and me telling myself 'it's not all that bad', etc.
Well, last November it came to a head, and I found the strength to leave. I wasn't even sure it was the right decision, but I suddenly felt there were more reasons to leave than to stay, that I didn't want to feel the way I did for the rest of my life, that he deserved to be happy and I did, too.
So I left. We're sharing our two DC amicably enough. He's still unhappy I left, but didn't actually fall apart as I feared he might. He's coping. The DC have adjusted. They might be hiding things I can't see, but generally seem cheerful and unquestioning, rather than emotionally damaged and scarred as I thought they might be.
And now, I've met someone else. That someone makes my heart beat faster, pumps blood through my veins as it never has before, in a way my exDP never did. The situation is certainly not straightforward and easy, but I don't care: I look in his eyes and I am lost in them. I think I might even be in love. Not that I've told him that, obviously.
I apologise if this comes across as a sickening, self-indulgent post. I suppose in many ways it is. I'm not a regular poster at all. But I think of all the years I frequented these boards to look for an answer, and the years of denial, trying to fix things.
I stepped into the abyss, and believed in my own strength, found courage and support from friends when I lacked it myself, and there's not a day I've regretted my decision.
So I guess this post is written for people like me, this time last year. People who know which way they should go, but aren't quite brave enough yet. Well, you will be, one day.
And you'll never look back.
xx