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Relationships

I think DH has been smoking in the house - furious

34 replies

MakeTeaNotWar · 15/08/2015 16:46

DH smokes outside. A couple of years ago I came back downstairs to get a drink after I'd gone to bed & caught him leaning out the lounge window, smoking. I was really annoyed - detest smoking plus we have 2 young DC. He admitted at the time that he'd been doing it frequently and I'd never noticed. I was upset he'd tricked me.

Anyway today I'm dusting and I notice a small amount of what looks like cigarette ash on the lounge window sill so I think he's at it again. He's working until late so I can't ask him but my blood is boiling that he's been "tricking" me and disrespecting my wishes.

Or am I over-reacting?

OP posts:

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CatMilkMan · 15/08/2015 19:06

Yabu

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Enoughalreadyyou · 15/08/2015 19:15

You sound totally overbearing and unreasonable. Do you read threads on here? FFS get a grip.

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Enoughalreadyyou · 15/08/2015 19:17

Get something better to do than dusting on a Saturday. Christ.

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pocketsaviour · 15/08/2015 19:31

Have a feeling most of the people in this thread saying you're controlling are smokers

Presumably he agreed to this rule years ago, so it's hardly controlling for OP to expect him to stick to his word.

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Ragwort · 15/08/2015 20:55

I am one of the ones saying the OP sounds controlling and I am not, and never have been, a smoker. Nor is my DH - if that is relevant.

But to criticise an adult for hanging out of a window of his own home just because he wants a fag does seem totally OTT.

I asked the OP if her DH was a smoker when she met him, agreed to marry him and made the choice to have children with him - she didn't answer the question.

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PunkrockerGirl · 15/08/2015 21:01

You sound a bit hysterical, Op. You found what may or may not have been a bit of ash and assumed your dh had been smoking out the window and I'd be smoking too if I had to put up with you
Precious or what ?

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Fairylea · 15/08/2015 21:07

Op I completely understand how you feel. My ex dh was a smoker when I met him and I detest smoking so he willingly gave up. Several years later I was tidying up and a pack of cigarettes rolled out of his bag. I was furious and confronted him and he swore he'd give up again and just lapsed. I eventually caught him hanging out of the window downstairs after I'd gone to sleep one night smoking. I was absolutely livid. It wasn't just the smoking it was the lying and the absolute disregard for my feelings about it and our young dd.

Of course there were lots of things wrong in the marriage but I'd be lying if I didn't say the smoking was the final nail in the coffin. I can't stand smoking. The only reason I didn't realise he was still smoking sooner than I did was because he worked in a smoky environment at the time.

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maras2 · 16/08/2015 07:16

How the heck did fag ash blow into your house?

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Isetan · 16/08/2015 20:41

Surely nobody thinks smoking in a house of young DC is reasonable, even if it is out of the window?

Actually Op, someone you live with not only thinks it's reasonable, he's prepared to do it.

I too, would also be very upset if someone smoked in my house, let alone while my daughter was upstairs sleeping but then again I wouldn't live with, marry and procreate with a smoker.

When you share and co own living space with another adult you don't get to scream them into submission, you have to negotiate or in your case renegotiate. Considering you couldn't smell that someone was pretty much smoking in your house, there may be room to negotiate.