Ending it when you are being used - how to find strength. And men - why?

[HoNoper]

How do you find strength to end something that is giving you a degree of happiness but is not enough - I.e. When you are not loved but seeing that person does make you happy?

And men - what is the male take on this, maybe I need to hear the brutal truth - what are your thoughts on someone you fancy but don't love?

Why do men do this? As a woman, physical attraction and friendship usually makes me want more- why do men just want the physical part and what goes through their minds when they are 'using' someone?

I'm eagerly waiting a male response

It's not necessarily men. Some people just want everything they can get with no input. They are perhaps cold or already have their need for stability or companionship elsewhere.
If you're not getting what you want. Then it's find to end it. Having fun and attention is ten a penny. Developing a mutual respect is worth seeking out. No a guy but hth

Op, you didn't really give enough info for us to comment on. So in general here is my (and mine only) take on what are your thoughts on someone you fancy but don't love?
Depends what the guy wants. If he is just looking for sex or a casual relationship then obviously being attracted to the women is required, but he may not be interested in finding an "emotional connection". I class this relationship a as "waiting for something better to come along" relationship.

If the guy is looking for a relationship then obviously he will develop the emotional connection.

therefore the quick answer to why do men just want the physical part is, you are only talking about the first type in my scenarios above. It's that old cliche "you have just met the wrong guy".

You fancy someone. You date them. Leads to physical connection. But sometimes it just doesn't develop into love, even though you may be looking for a relationship.

I don't think that's exclusive to men, though, OP.

DrSeth I wonder if there is some deep seated psychological reason we both included Dr in our pseudonym ?

DrMorbius Ha! I doubt it. I suspect I was watching Murder, She Wrote when I needed a new username!

Doctor Doctor...

OP this book may help you in your personal situation.

Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay

Speaking from experience, when a man dates a woman he will immediately categorise her as either for relationship or just sex.

If he sees you as just for sex, nothing you do will change his mind.

Agreeing with DrMorbius ultimately he will continue to have sex with you until something better comes along.

The baggage reclaim site is amazing to help with this.

Hi OP. Your post is very generalised. It would help if you gave us specific details.

Thank you for replies. I have name changed due to hacking problems. To provide more detail, well I feel I really don't understand the motivation of the person I am seeing, it is more than friendship.

He calls me a "good friend", but also says he finds me attractive. He does not want sex (so he is not technically unfaithful I guess) just to kiss etc. He has a partner, as do I. I am very unhappy in an abusive relationship. He is presumably happy (happier than me at any rate) in his relationship but I am confused about his motivation for seeing me. My motivation for seeing him is to get some affection and comfort.

I like him as a friend. If it sounds a mess, it is. I hope I've made things slightly clearer...

End your abusive relationship. That will help. Kissing this guy will only muddle things up for you.

You need to stand back and see that unless you move away from this there is no happy ending. Address you own marriage - that's the real issue.