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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

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67 replies

HeadFeelsStrange · 14/08/2015 15:27

Please help. I feel a bit numb. What would you think if you found this on your boyfriend's phone? I just did. From him to a woman I've heard of but not met. He and I are in a long distance relationship.
'I feel a bit closer to a decision today. One thing I would like to ask is whether you have any personal thoughts on my applying because, depending on what you decide about me, you might become involved and your opinion would be very important to me! Please don't think I'm pushing you, or being presumptuous, just wanted to check in with you whether you would have personal reservations about either avenue :) If you don't feel you can answer, I quite understand.'

OP posts:
Original poster
HeadFeelsStrange · 15/08/2015 08:46

He arranged this holiday, we've both been excited about it, we have been talking a lot about future, what our (our!) next move will be. And at the same time he's doing this. It's insane. He's saying he loves only me, but he was frightened I was going to leave him. He's coming home in 4 months.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 15/08/2015 08:49

What a load of bollox....if he loved you that much why would he be 'testing the waters'

Supposing his first choice had said yes....he wouldn't be needing you as his back up plan then would he?

TheoriginalLEM · 15/08/2015 08:51

he's full of shit, sadly, i reckon you are buying it. I honestly wouldn't invest any more of my time or affection on this bell end.

Mutt · 15/08/2015 08:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
HeadFeelsStrange · 15/08/2015 08:55

Cheers Mutt

OP posts:
Original poster
HeadFeelsStrange · 15/08/2015 08:56

Sad sorry for poor sarcasm. I just continue to feel numb. Frustrating I realise

OP posts:
Velociraptor · 15/08/2015 10:21

You say he is coming home in 4 months. Where is this job he is applying for? Is it something that the two of you have discussed? From the messages it sounded like he was applying for a job where this other woman is?

thehypocritesoaf · 15/08/2015 10:24

You are second best here.

If you're happy with that, go for it.

houseHuntinginmanchester · 15/08/2015 10:45

Sorry to hear this op.

I remember the youngish poster who posted about her dp going to NZ like a previous poster mentioned. If it is you op, I had advised you on that thread to try it out as from my experience long distance can work.

I do believe however that this is not the right person for you op, and you need to let him go. Someone else will come into your life that is as comitted as you are, someone so wonderful it will take your breath away.

TRexingInAsda · 15/08/2015 15:57

So if she'd said she liked him, you'd be out on your arse, but since she rejected him, you got a second chance - even though you haven't been very nice to him?!! Lucky you, eh?! Cheeky fucking cunt! I hope you tell him to fuck off in a suitably assertive manner, despite how numb you feel. x

SugarOnTop · 15/08/2015 17:11

He's saying he loves only me, but he was frightened I was going to leave him

bollocks! you're the consolation prize because he couldn't get the woman he wanted. A man who loves you would never be getting emotionally involved with another woman like this.

if you stay with him he will continue to cheat behind your back by 'testing the waters' and then dump you when the next woman says yes to him. he doesn't love you.

magoria · 15/08/2015 17:18

Of course he loves only you! The other woman has told him to get lost she doesn't fancy him!

He would have been gone if she had said yes. And he would have 'loved you like a sister' and it 'hadn't been working for a while'.

Please don't fall for his crap.

You deserve better than to do for now until someone better comes along.

amarmai · 15/08/2015 22:11

some people make sure to set up their next relationship while they are still in the current one. Maybe like securing your next job before you leave the one you have. Is this ok with you,op?

Smilingforth · 15/08/2015 23:07

I'm so sorry. I think you need to confront him.

thatsn0tmyname · 15/08/2015 23:10

Sounds job-related to me.

hashtagwhatever · 15/08/2015 23:16

Had the woman said yes, he'd have binned you off.

If I were you I'd be telling him where to go.

VerityWaves · 15/08/2015 23:24

I think he may try it on with another girl who catches his eye.

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