Family Rift

[fish65]

Hi everyone- Recently my mother-in-law died. Although very sad she was nearly 90 so expected. Her daughter (my husbands sister) who is 56(never married) & lived with her and already has a third of the deeds signed in her name. My husband and his other sister are trying to be very patient as it is only 3 months ago and have tried to help and put no undue pressure for her to leave as the house as it split 3 ways. They have tried patiently asking her of her intentions as they wish to help in anyway they can. However she is getting very angry and saying it is her home and no one elses & refusing to discuss with any of her siblings her plans. My husband has assured her nothing will happen until at least March when they wish to put the house on the market & may take some time to sell. My husband & his other sister do not like confrontation and tried to be reasonable & she is having none of it. Does anyone know what legal rights my husband and his sister have- your advice would be much appreciated.

There's a house they own a share of that's got empty bedrooms and space they need. Couldn't be simpler if you ask me.

The brother and sister buy other sister out, become tenants in common. When both brother sister (and OP) dies their half of the property goes to whoever they choose to leave it to

I can't help but feel a little sorry for your SIL. It is her home, ok it might not be her house but it is, and sounds like it always was, her home. Will she be able to buy somewhere with the proceeds of the sale or will there not be enough money?

Maybe you could move in, four bedrooms is enough and actually she might appreciate the company.

Was the SIL your MIL's carer?

Gosh, money really does bring out the worst in people

Is the SIL in the house the executor ? Was the will written in a way which allows her to live in the house throughout her own life ?

Gosh, money really does bring out the worst in people

I think that is certainly true in lots of situations but I can't see that anyone here is being unduly heavy handed.

I am sympathetic to the SiL. I am imagining someone who has forfeited her career and maybe other opportunities to look after an ageing parent, and is probably very anxious about the future.

But the mother didn't leave the house to this one daughter. She wanted all of her children to have a share.

Everyone needs to sit down and discuss this calmly, looking at the will, the assets, everyone's wants and needs, and coming up with some options.

It's a difficult situation because the other siblings could wait a long time if they agree to her staying in the house forever, and it could mean not finding a permanent home for their own family. And what if the resident daughter lets the house fall into disrepair or expects the others to pay for expensive maintenance? If she wants to stay there she'll need to find a way to make this fair on the other beneficiaries.

Among other things, I've seen real venom expressed over unused bedsheets, LEM.

Sadly, it seems that usually it's not to do with love of money but the fact that there are a whole load of (often) conflicting emotions floating around the landscape and someone's death and the distribution of their estate - even with a will in existence - provide a vehicle to express/indulge those. The presence of a third party such as a dispassionate lawyer can generally bring some objectivity to the process.

It's an object lesson to all of us I think. At the least, make a proper will, keep it simple and let everyone who might be involved know its contents well in advance of your death. I shudder to think about the number of people on MN who might not have made one.

Me too Cozie.

Lots of shitty behaviour arises because people are in an emotional state, and old wounds start to itch.

Everyone should invest in getting a will written, and maybe think about handing stuff of sentimental value down well in advance of death. Easier said than done when its a house.

One of my cousins did this. She didn't live in the family home all the time, but only during school holidays, as she worked in a boarding school and was accommodated there. When my uncle died, her sister bought the house for her and her 5 children and dh, but cousin refused to move out.

She did eventually, though. It was shock and grief. She couldn't bear to let go of the happy times, and the last of her parents.

All the siblings get on as well as they ever did now, and are very close. There can be a happy ending.