Meeting Friends

[Rocklover]

Hi all,

I knopw this isn't strictly relationship talk, but not sure where else to query this. I am 32, just separated and living with parents for time being. The problem is that having moved so often over the last 6 years I have no friends left, having a child and not working have made it very difficult to find opportunities to make new friends.

At the moment I am looking for PT work, which will help, but I am wondering what else I can do to meet people. I have been to a few different Mums and Tots and I am embarrassed to say that I hated it and, although I am quite outgoing, found it very difficult to strike up a "proper" convo.

So, any tips at all? I can't drive, so have to stay fairly local, but how do you Mums go about meeting new people? I'm feeling a bit "billy-no-mates" here and am dying for a girlie night out. HELP!

I joined a book group when I moved to this area. Found it via the local library. I really look forward to our meetings and thechance to chat about non-baby things.

Any night classes in your area you could go to? Or day-time classes?

Could you afford to join the NCT or if not I think they do reduced rates dependant on your circumstances.

If you join then you could help out at sales or join the committee, they are always desperate for people to join and make some friends that way. Plus if you help out at the sales you will get first dibs on all the good toys & clothes.

I helped out at the last couple of sales and ended up talking to loads of the other volunteers. IKWYM about mothers & toddlers I have just joined one and 90% of the mums seem to know each other so its hard to join in conversation and it seemed a bit artificial.
However even there I met another newbie who I get on well with so it might be worth keeping an eye out for new starts.

Are there any other mners near you? I live near Bournemouth and there are quite a few of us around here and we quite often get together.

where abouts are you rock lover. i live in shropshire and there don't seem to be any mners around here

I am in Oxfordshire and have appealed for local MNers and got zero replies lol.

Yes I am thinking about the NCT as I do know someone who joined and she made most of her current friends through it. I am just about to move (again lol, but staying in the same town this time, hooray), so may check out my (new) local Mums and Tots to see if that is any better. I also put an ad on Netmums and although I got loads of replies, no-one ever followed up on promises to meet up.

Anyway thanks girls for the ideas, they have been really helpful. By the way if anyone is ever up for a chat, no matter where you are I am always game, I am on MSN and I would be happy to talk on the phone....just love a good ole natter I do. ([email protected]).

You don't need to join the NCT to attend their coffee mornings etc. It's only the ante-natal classes that they charge for.

I'm part of the local NCT group and we have lots and lots of people who come along to coffee and play meetings etc. who are not members.

It's a great way to meet local people. I didn't know anyone else with children when I had dd, and felt really isolated. The NCT has been a real lifeline for me. I've met some fantastic friends through it.

sorry you feel a bit isolated and lonely, i'm sure it won't be for very long.
Have you tried your local library, ours and surrounding areas do a baby bounce & rhyme class, it's free, fun and has dads that go aswell. (toddlers & upto about 3 yr olds go aswell)
Maybe you could try mother & toddler group in a month or so and see if you feel differently about it.
local swimming pool do an aqua tots session, maybe yours does something similar.

If you can stomach the mums and tots thing, its worth haning in there - I have just had a baby and thought this kind of group would drive me insane, but for lack of an alternative have kept going - and the good / interesting / fun / likeminded women have emerged from the masses of dull / incompatible ones! (sorry that sounds harsh).

nct is great for meeting the local mums - ours has a weekly coffee am and i have met neighbours who i have never even seen before even though they live 1 minute walk away. I don't have loads in common with most of them but one or two are great so that is enough for me!! I made sure I went every week though - its the only way to move past the 'how old is your child' conversations.

I hated the mum and baby groups - you have to be so brave, but I did meet one mum i really like and we are still friends three years later - she is the only one i met though out of a vast room of people - so it can be tough but can be very worthwhile

I would add though that if someone chats to you make a real effort to remember their name and say hello the next week - i don't think people keep on making the effort as they tend to be a bit shy too - i would say hello to a new face once and then would leave them to say hello again so as not to stalk!

also, I reckon everyone thinks others are really confident and know everyone and I don't think that is always the case - people fall out, move houses/schools etc kids don't get on, and friendship groups change so i am sure most people are happy to meet a new face

Hi Rocklover, I remember going thru this period really well and the cliquey toddler groups. I never considered courses at the time, but if I had toddlers now, I would - what about courses with creches. Also Meet a Mum has been going for ages for networking as well as PND support. If there isn't a local group, they put mums in touch: Meet-a-Mum.

Also ivillage - they have a meet a mum page too.

Good luck.

Rocklover, I'm on the Bucks/Oxon border (Henley/Marlow). any good to you? I'm organising a few friends round for lunch in a couple of weeks & you'd be more than welcome.

Thanks Mumble, that's really lovely of you, but I don't drive at the moment, so I wouldn't have a clue how to get there!!! Fortunately I am gritting my teeth and having driving lessons now, so hopefully next year I will be free to go anywhere. God I hate driving lessons! LOL