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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Does he want more than friendship ?

44 replies

Louisa2412xx · 12/08/2015 16:31

There is a man who I am friends with.
I think we are friends.We become close then he backs away and it's driving me insane.
Last week he came to my house at 2pm and we had food and watched DVDs and had a couple of drinks.
We get on so well,we were lay on the sofa just talking and he said the day you meet someone I will be devastated.
He started saying that I need someone special and i was joking asking if he had any single friends to which he replied "yes but your not having them"
We literally laughed all night,I know it sounds childish but he kept hitting me with cushions,it was just a fun day.
He asked to stay so I said yes,we shared a bed and he put his arm around me and we just talked for hours.
He kept kissing my forehead and staring at me,then we kissed it was really nice.
He Kept holding my hand and kissing it,he asked did I love him and I said no ( I do have feelings and I don't know what they are )
Then he mumbled I love you.
Then he started crying saying I wish this wasn't so complicated ( not sure what is )
He was saying how unhappy he is and he had a great day with me.
Then we fell asleep and I woke up next morning and he had his arm around me cuddling me.
Since then we have exchanged a few texts and that's it.
About 4 months ago we were talking on the phone and he said I always think what it would be like if we were together then the day after he deleted me off Facebook ???
I questioned him about it and he said " I need to get you out of my head"
Now he has a 2 year old daughter with his ex ( I'm starting to think is it really his ex gf is that's what's stopping him )
Is he confused? What is his game?
I'm a 30 year old and feel like a teenager!

OP posts:

Duckdeamon · 12/08/2015 18:22

Yeah, what's that about? Drama llama. Nothing to stop him asking you out (if he's single that is).

Your friend sounds sensible.

He is best avoided completely.

Original poster

Louisa2412xx · 12/08/2015 18:27

I kind of hinted and he was saying it's complicated.
I know about his daughter so I'm thinking maybe they are still together.
I go from feeling sorry for him or thinking he is a rat with no balls.

OP posts:

MrsToddsShortcut · 12/08/2015 18:29

I'm so sorry, as this must be horrid if you like him, but honestly, if he really loved you and was available, he would be with you.

It really is as simple as that.

Original poster

Louisa2412xx · 12/08/2015 18:31

I think I kind of know in my heart he's probably still with the " ex "
He has a daughter with.

OP posts:

Katie2001 · 12/08/2015 18:33

It's only complicated if he's not single. Sorry. Been there done that, he is stringing you along.

SolidGoldBrass · 12/08/2015 18:38

He's a self-obsessed tosspot who doesn't really like women very much: this is all about his specialness and his dramatic, tragic life.
You will not be the only woman dangling on a string waiting to be 'chosen' by this bellend. And if he did actually condescend to date you or fuck you, he'd always be running off after one of the others who 'needs' him and is 'vulnerable at the moment' ie not just keeping his options open but keeping all of you in a twitchy, damp-knickered panic that you won't be picked in the end.
Go and find someone cheerful and uncomplicated to shag instead.

Caprinihahahaha · 12/08/2015 18:39

The thing that you might want to think about (if you continue to see him) is what is causing you to allow all his mysterious reference to 'complications' to hang there .

In a normal relationship if a bloke said 'god I love you bit it's complicated' a woman would say 'why? What is complicated?'

You seem to let his weeping and veiled references to complications linger.

IME (having done it myself) that is probably because you know he is not interested and would rather cherish the idea of thwarted love than deal with the reality of a sordid self indulgent cheater.

I should stress again - I think that because I've done it.
It's much more romantic but ultimately it just means you are letting a slime ball keep you interested with the lamest of excuses.

Original poster

Louisa2412xx · 12/08/2015 18:57

He's got me to fall for Him hook line and sinker.
I just want to believe he has some feelings for him.

OP posts:

Original poster

Louisa2412xx · 12/08/2015 18:57

Feelings for me

OP posts:

pocketsaviour · 12/08/2015 19:26

He has got feelings for you.
In his pants.
He's not even good at trying to shag you.
Then he mumbled I love you. Then he started crying saying I wish this wasn't so complicated
Well that would have killed my lady-boner stone dead. Tragic.

TheMarxistMinx · 12/08/2015 19:36

If he is a friend of a friend someone along the line will know whether he is still with his child's mother, or not. Do your homework. Can't believe it can be that difficult to work that one out!

Not knowing him, or the ex, or you I don't know, neither does anyone else here.

Some men really are sensitive. Some have huge amounts of emotional baggage from previous relationships. Most men have some issues, because unlike women they are not conditioned to talk things over, or to seek help. All men do have feelings and are as capable of feeling things just as deeply as women. So, no I wouldn't necessarily discount the man who cries.

Original poster

Louisa2412xx · 12/08/2015 19:39

I know that about 10 years ago one of his ex girlfriends left him and he tried to commit suicide.
So I know he can be quite emotional.
He used to be in the army but left after his friend died and he is regretting leaving and now he is in a job he hates.
I just don't want to brush him off as a liar and a creep,I know some men are like that but who's to say he isn't genuine.
I keep going back and forth with my thoughts.
We haven't spoke for a week now.

OP posts:

lostinikea · 12/08/2015 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newnamesamegame · 12/08/2015 22:09

Either he's still with the ex or he's a self-obsessed narcissist who enjoys dangling women on a string. Or quite likely both.

Either way, you probably don't want to get involved.

I'd give him one shot to explain this self-indulgent stuff about why you can't be together, just for your own peace of mind. Whatever the answer is, its unlikely to be good news (either he will tell you straight he's in a relationship or he will give you some load of cryptic bollocks which begs more questions than it answers.) Then tell him if he can't be with you you're not hanging about waiting for him.

Then walk away and don't think about him, don't take his calls or texts. If he really really likes you that much he will move heaven and earth to get past this. More likely than not, I'm afraid, he will eventually move onto someone else who he thinks is his to play with.

Caprinihahahaha · 12/08/2015 22:13

It's really not as complicated as you want it to be.

The star crossed lover thing is great but reality is that if you want to be with someone you just are.
If he is weeping and then being vague he is just finding an interesting way to not be with you , yet not actually walk away.

Realitea · 12/08/2015 22:21

He sounds like bloody hard work. Why go for someone so complicated? we always like what we can't have - maybe the fact it's stringing you along is making you like him more. Like a bit of a horribly addictive game.
He needs asking outright. If he starts crying or doing a politicians answer (not clear or asking you a question back!) then just cut all ties.
Don't waste your time.

CrapBag · 12/08/2015 23:15

You do realise your posting style is very distinctive OP.

This is your best friends brother isn't it. I'm not putting a question mark as it's a rhetorical question.

Stop with the threads. You aren't going to get a different answer. He is an arse. He has a GF with a baby. He obviously only wants one thing off you. Get some self respect and leave this waste of space alone. Then get some therapy yourself because you need it.

I wouldn't normally be this harsh but it's obvious who you are.

SolidGoldBrass · 12/08/2015 23:55

You do sound a bit young and a bit bored, OP. Get a hobby or something, rather than wafting about thinking that you're all special and complicated just like this bellend reckons he is, and that's why the pair of you are meant to be together.

tippytap · 13/08/2015 05:51

Back again?

I think you've forgotten a few details this time. Whatever you say, you will not be able to transform this man into a decent human being.

This obsession isn't healthy OP. You need to take a step back and speak to people in real life about this.

Starting numerous threads is not helping and won't change a thing.

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