Have I cheated?

[Realitea]

I've had a male friend for 12 years. I've always found him exciting and funny and all those good things and yet despite always liking each other we never quite got together.
We've both been married the same amount of time. Both have a few problems in our marriage.
We talk off and on, we always have. Over the past few months things got a little more intense. I was going to meet up with him (we never usually meet) then he cancelled saying it would be a bad idea. Then he was going to visit and I cancelled. It's like we are both toying with the idea but would never go through with actual cheating.
I have now said its time to stop for good. I am terrified our partners will find out some way. But it's not actually cheating is it? Or is it?
I know we will never end up together - I don't even find him that attractive. I think it's just the attention I like. And I like him as a person he just makes me happy and like a person again rather than a wife and mum.
I spoke to a few people years ago about him and they said he's a serial cheater. He does admit to it. I feel for his wife. I feel horrible for being involved in it too in some way.

Never turn outside your marriage to solve problems within your marriage. If you want to stay with your husband, get counseling. If you don't want to be with your husband, then leave.

I think counselling is a good idea. Thank you everyone.

Yes it's cheating, and in my book really nasty behaviour. You are tempted to cheat with a serial womaniser, well done, not.

Your OH sounds just as bad, you'd probably be a lot happier without either one.

Dh has hinted at the idea of an open marriage before. He knows I'm very open minded and I have thought about it actually. Seems like the lazy option though. I'm sure it would result in bitterness

And what about his partner. Are they in an 'open' relationship?

Whatever your reasons behind it, cheating is wrong.

It sounds to me as though you've been engaged in something you knew was a bit wrong, but that you have stopped short of taking it into a full-blown sexual affair. That must have cost you a lot, and I think it shows you have a bit of backbone. Plus, you have a lot of self-awareness when you say that you just love the attention. Just stay resolute - you know you're doing the right thing in closing this relationship down. As others have said, if your marriage sucks then putting energy into other relationships isn't going to fix that. Particularly not if you know that the guy in question is incapable of fidelity and therefore really not a relationship prospect. Don't you deserve better? Don't you deserve a full-on partnership of mind, body, and soul - not some scraps on the side?

is your husband still exactly the same weight as when you met him ?

any beer belly appearing ?

a bit of a whiff about him, perchance ?

teeth looking a bit yucky ?

attitude not to your liking ?

you can bin your husband off if it isn't working...but do it because you no longer want to be treated like that, not because some married sleaze is sniffing around

although that puts you in the "married sleaze" category too, so think on...

hey, I bet his cock doesn't get as hard as it did when you met him

getting a bit "soft" is he ?

Anyfucker yes he ticks all those boxes how on earth did you know?!

Shovetheholly are you a psychologist by any chance? You got it perfectly, thank you

surprise, surprise

I don't like the sound of your husband.

Nor LoverBoy

Both sound quite bad for you in all honesty

I think you're right anyfucker.

Meet him get him out of your system ....live a little ...live dangerously ...leave your husband .....live ????

meant smiley

Spud you are highly controversial! Are you him? Lol

If you have to ask, it is cheating.

I think the op needs to address the marital problem ...( that is the real issue here ) once she has done that she will also ditch the online cheating sleaze ...who gives good txt ...

You made me sleep with him because you said I was fat and won't sleep with me, waaaaahh!

That's how you come across. Don't.

I didn't sleep with him and I wouldn't!

I don't think you're cheating, but I think you're edging horribly close to an emotional affair. It would be for the best if you stopped contacting each other.

No you haven't cheated.

I would cut this person out of your life... What a nice guy constabulary cheating on his wife!!

Concentrate on repairing your marriage.

Lover boy is out the door from now on

Great news. Now you can turn your full attention to losing c12-14st instantly by booting your dh out after him.

Haha!

My Dh is like a best mate but he's distant..we sleep in separate rooms for a start.
I feel like I annoy him and he's always going on about me losing weight which really pisses me off I'm only 7lbs more than I was when I met him.

If you were married to a man who treated you right you wouldn't be looking for a bit on the side attention elsewhere.

Dh has hinted at the idea of an open marriage before He's saying he's up for sex with ow while you act as his housekeeper/childminder/skivvy. You can put this to the test by saying that you think an open marriage is a good plan and, btw, you'll be going out on Saturday night and won't be home until some time on Sunday.

This guy has never been your friend! He has, for 12 years, been your escape option IMO!

You don't need him to escape though. He is likely to be a total knob end you would mostly likely never countenance if you were genuinely single.

And yes, you have been being unfaithful. You need to focus on making a decision about your marriage not looking for distractions from how shit it is.

*not go looking for