I made a big mistake

[Viennaforlife]

I don't know if I want to be married anymore. My mum died when I was twenty and I impulsively married a guy I barely knew. That was three years ago and we now have a dd 18months. I've never really been with anyone else and I realise now I'be completely disappeared. I left uni when I got married and quit my low paid job when I got pregnant. I have no money, no bank account. The house and cars are in his name and I have no income.
I don't know whether I love him, I certainly didn't when we got married. He's not a bad guy, he's made mistakes but overall he's been pretty great. But I just hate living with him. He's a complete slob and just won't listen to me. He's overweight and I'm not attracted to him. He's never been able to give me an orgasm, and I'm so stressed out I can't even give myself an orgasm anymore. Despite all of this I still think of him as my best friend and I wouldn't want to lose him. Besides I don't think anyone else would take me on. I just wish I could go back in time and not make a decision based on grief. I feel like my life was going in one direction and now I have no idea how I ended up here.
I don't know what to do. Would a trial separation help? We could actually date like we should have done before marriage. Is there hope for us?

I like that advice lavender. I'm not ready to give up on my marriage. It might be because of my upbringing, you can't get divorced drummed into me. But I think if he's willing to try too for the first time maybe this will work? Or at least have a better chance. I think I owe my dd to give it my all before I walk away. I'm thinking about marriage counselling. Has anyone got any experience with it?

You could try marriage counselling, or you could go to counselling separately for your own benefits.

Have a weekly meeting, and during the week write down all the things that piss you off. Don't nag each other during the week. At the meeting ( no wine:) you both get a chance to talk without being interrupted or shouted down. Be kind to each other and try to sort the top issue you each have- not sex though. Leave that out for a bit. Also write down nice things about the other person, and how they have been kind to you. after the meeting go and have a bath or a walk, just chill.

I would also suggest a hobby you could do together, like scrabble or something:) very gentle, you can chat, and it's free.

If you both want to try then do so, but your dd is not the decision maker here.

If you both sadly decide it's over, you can co parent and at least the split may be amicable.