Love?

[Nannyme22]

I'm new to this love melarchy.
Was just wondering when you knew you were in love and if you ever doubted it?
DP says it's all my issues which I'm hoping it is!

DP is saying what is all your issues?

Everyone wants love, but not everyone finds it...

Are you having second thoughts? Be honest with yourself.

If you were truly in love, you wouldn't doubt it.

A laugh a minute I don't know!
That's what I think if I've questioned it does that mean I don't love him as much as I thought?

Issues: eating disorder tendencies for a very long time. I won't say eating disorder anymore cause although it does take me over sometimes I am normal weight for quite some time and can function.
Depression. Again I function.
Social anxiety and just complete and utter self hatred.

We have been going out just over a year. He is funny and sexy and I still get butterflies when I see him. He makes me laugh so much and is caring and amazing. When I've spent the weekend my mood drops down so fast when it's over.

I think he would be better off without me deserves someone who isn't a loon etc etc
Then I thought to myself does that mean I don't love him cause I think he would be better off without me?
Then I was thinking ohhh god I asked the question does that mean I don't really love him cause surely it would never enter my head.

So yah just wanted to know other people's experience is this doubt or is it just don't that I don't deserve love it him so I'm subbotsging cause I think it will end anyway cause I will ruin it.

Do you ever question it or if it's true is there NEVER any doubt.

As you can probably tell I overthink everything so just trying to get it down and out and see people's thoughts .

Thanks

I think he would be better off without me deserves someone who isn't a loon etc etc

It doesn't sound as if you're doubting your DP, it sounds as if you're doubting yourself. We're all a bit loony by the way so I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Maybe your DP is right when he says that it's your issues that's causing the problem? Is that what he said?

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your DP so it would seem a shame to throw it all away just because you think he deserves better or you think you're not good enough for him. What does he think? Does he love you?

You seem to have some self esteem issues, have you considered counselling?

He says he loves more than anything. I just have so much trouble believing it.

I have huge self esteem issues. Have been wondering the last few months should I speak to someone about it but I've tried that before. In my late teens I was made to see a shrink I can't say it helped much. But maybe now in my late 20s and me choosing to see someone instead of being forced to may make a difference?

I think if you're in control of the process you will get on much better. You choose who you want to see, you choose what form of therapy works best for you. Go via the BACP website, look up people's specialities, do a telephone interview with them.

I was assigned a counsellor by social services when I was a teen. I immediately hated her because she wore blue eye shadow and called me "dear". It put me off therapy for many years, which was tragic considering how much I needed it.

Counselling/ therapy call it what you want is an eye opener in virtually every situation. Be brave